I SERIOUSLY attract all the crazies

So I haven’t been super active in the dating world for the past few weeks. I’ve talked to some guys, and been out a few times – but really it’s just depressing.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I attract the weirdest guys.  I have friends who say they went on two dates from a dating site, and found someone they want to be with.  I have talked to DOZENS of guys, been on DOZENS of dates and it is just HORRIBLE.

The guys that talk to me seem to start out normal – and then just end up being painfully weird.  Like one guy, had some kind of social awkwardness and most of the night was spent in silence and awkward pauses.  Another guy freaked out because I said I didn’t want to go out one night, so his come back was good I fart in public, and like to have smelly armpits. I didn’t know if you were going to take a clue. (this guy was a real peach actually – he tried to reach out like 4 times but I kept boring him with the fact that he was an asshole and said he didn’t want to talk to me but then did want to talk to me I guess.)

I don’t know what I do. Do I send out the vibes to the crazy guys?  For once I would like to meet someone who kept up a conversation, didn’t have any major freakouts and didn’t try and show me his penis before we meet.  Is this really that much to ask?  C’mon society – there has to be a few of these guys still out there, who aren’t gay and aren’t already taken.

 

 

You Think You Deserve, What Now?

Lately I am finding that more and more guys have this sense of entitlement when they are online dating. Like the fact that you talk to them – means you owe them, well basically your soul, or at least naked photos of you.

I was talking to one guy, and the third message he sent me after how are you is – I would rather be going down on you for hours. Now, as considerate as that may seem, I was taken aback at the – no let’s be real.  This is every guy.  They think that just because you message them then that means you will automatically sleep with them (I feel that this is a trending topic in a lot of my posts and I apologize for that, but it keeps coming up in my life.)

So, instead of actually responding to his message, I came back with – “if you met me in public, would you ever say anything like that to me? Or does the internet make you brave?” His response “I would be too embarrassed to say something like that to someone’s face. The internet def makes me braver.” Too embarrassed to say it to someone’s face.  Let’s think about that.  If you would be too embarrassed to say it to someone’s face there is probably a reason, the reason I told him was because he knows that women shouldn’t be treated to or talked to like that.

And another guy I was talking to – he asked for nude photos or actually “naughty photos” which I declined, because I am really not about the spread of amateur pornography, especially of myself. So then later in the conversation he just decided to send me a lovely dick pic (rolling eyes and sighing loudly).  From this – he then proceeds to tell me that because I have now seen more of him than he has of me – it’s only fair that I send him a picture of my pussy. (his words, not mine). When I refused – ok boobs then, again my answer is no. Finally he said, well then fine a picture of you in your underwear. “It’s only fair”

Men – this is not what fair means. Just because you send us something, it doesn’t mean we will send something back.  And even if that was the only fair thing to do – hasn’t anyone told you. Life isn’t fair.

Seriously, I don’t wan’t to f**k you

I’m not sure when hello turned into – “please come over and fuck me”. But more and more of guys these days just assume that if I respond to your message, that means I am going to invite you over to my house and fuck you – to then never talk to you again. Romantic, right?

I have this one guy.  He has tried to meet up multiple times, and I keep telling him no. I am not sure why he keeps pushing, but he does. I tell him that we are not going to just meet and have sex, that I would want to meet someone in public see what happens and then go from there.  It’s not to say that I would never sleep with a guy on the first date (just read some of my other posts – it’s happened). But I am really uncomfortable with the whole idea of just meeting a stranger online and having them think we are going to have sex.

But back to this guy.  He is convinced we are going to just hook up.  And after I tell him we are not, he tries to then make ME feel guilty about it because “he wants to please me.” And its my fault because he was really looking forward to us hooking up. Ummm…..first off – don’t text me 20 minutes before you decide you want to “please me” and be mad when I have plans and can’t drop it to fuck you. Second off – don’t try and make me feel bad that I don’t want o fuck a stranger just because you claim you do. Or get made me if you ask – “aren’t you horny”…uhhh nope – I typically have about a million other things on my mind other than sex – especially if I have never met you. Now, if you are Ryan Gosling, then maybe – yes I would invite you over and have my way with you without question.  But you are not. So go away.

 

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Why do guys lie? I have had guys lie about the stupidest things, and then large things.  Here are a few examples:

  1. I was talking to one guy, and he wouldn’t get past the fact that I really didn’t want to just casually hook up.  He kept pushing, and finally I found out that – he couldn’t do more than causal because…..HE’S MARRIED! This guy kept trying to get me to sleep with him for weeks, and all this time he is married.  He claimed that he and his wife had a non sexual life anymore.  For all women out there – if you are not happy – just get a divorce.  Don’t stray!
  2. Another guy that I was talking to had a picture of a famous soccer player as his profile picture.  So I asked him what he really looked like – and told him that I hate liars, so don’t lie. He tells me that he looks similar to the picture, but wouldn’t send me his photo. I ask what he is hiding, is he married? is he running from the law? There are so many things running through my head. So he finally says he doesn’t want to lose me – (we have been talking for 20 minutes so he doesn’t have me).  His big confession – he was black (his picture was white). I just don’t understand that. Why would you lie about that.

I have enough trust issues with online dating.  But adding these stupid lies just makes me hate it even more.

Desperate Times….

I never thought I would be this person.  The person, that just wanted to have sex so badly – that I didn’t really care who it was with. But, after a few months of nothing plus the stress of work and then finishing up the holidays.  Sometimes you do what you gotta do.

I had started talking to this guy online, and he is one of those, how should I put this, dumb jock muscle heads. But hey, he has a great body, and he was into me (again, desperate times). After some flirty talking on the phone we decided that we should meet up.  I knew immediately that meet up – meant hook up, but for once I was ok with this.

We agreed to meet  at a bar, just so that we could decide if this was something we really wanted to do – and this is where the night took a turn for the…well weird/bad/are you serious. I drove to where he lived out in the suburbs because he had plans with his dad early the next morning.  I told him how long it would take me – and I arrive pretty much exactly on time.  When I told him I was there he said that he still needed like 10 minutes because he didn’t realize that I would be there that quickly (even though he asked my eta like 3 times).  I didn’t want to wait at the bar by myself for like 20 minutes while he finished getting ready, so I ended up going to his house to pick him up (didn’t I mention that he doesn’t drive right now).

Oh and the kicker – his house, well what I should say is his parents house.  I didn’t really ask why, but he is living with his parents for a while. This fun fact I didn’t learn until I was already on my way to go hang out with him at a bar (and then probably go back to his house….).  We get to the bar and he sees people he knows, starts talking to them, then we sit down.  We order drinks, we are watching the TVs around the room and all of a sudden these three people come and sit down near us, and he decides that he should spend his entire focus talking to the guy in the group about sports. So I talked to the two girls that were with him.  Somehow in these conversations we were asked what he cooks for me – so we revealed this is the first “date” which then brought on this whole conversation about dating now and online dating which was fun to talk about, but awkward since we had met online. But he continued to talk to this guy for like an hour, even though I was just sitting next to him.  Now again I said this guy was a dumb jock – and I knew this going in – and I didn’t expect much out of him except basically to get laid.

So finally after they left, we stayed for one more round (for him) and then were going to go back to his house to “chill.” But I will remind you that his house, has his parents in it. SOOOO that’s awkward to think about.  SO he asks me if I would mind if we went to a close by hotel room instead. Again, so desperate, I said sure.  I felt cheap saying this – but again didn’t care that much.  Then we get to the hotel and luckily I can tell that he hasn’t done this before – or if he has he is the biggest moron in the world.

We go to a hotel, and as I am walking in I hear him asking if he can get the room for a couple of hours.  I DIED. Right then and there.  I was like OMG this front desk guy is going to think I am a hooker – or we are having an affair or something. Who in this day and age goes to a name brand hotel and asks for their hourly rates.  If we went to a flea bag motel and asked I wouldn’t have been as surprised, but no, we went to a goddamn Days Inn.

After all of this we went into the room. In my head I am like finally.  Lets have some fun and then we can be done. Then I forgot about something – he is a meat head.  And the common theme I hear about those guys, is that they aren’t the most well endowed of men.  After all that – the sex was just ok. I must say what a freaking waste. I mean, I wanted to have sex, and I did. But I really thought he would have been better in bed.

I am not sure if there is really a message to learn from all of this.  Except maybe keep your expectations low. Which is a terrible thing, but honestly with online dating.  It’s what needs to happen.

 

Showing off your assets…?

When it comes to dating with technology, the instant gratification has taken a new step.  Guys are really comfortable sending girls photos of themselves (and I mean all of themselves – they have no shame and are proud to show it off). But because guys are so comfortable doing this, they just assume that all girls are just as comfortable, or eager to send photos of themselves.

Well call me old fashioned, call me prude, call me whatever you want to, but I am never going to be entirely comfortable sending a strange a photo of my naked body.  I will admit, that yes, I have some confidence issues when it comes to my body (but let’s be real, what girl doesn’t).  And showing it off in a picture to someone is terrifying.  First I am trying to impress you enough to make you like me enough to want to meet me. Then once we have met – you get to decide if you actually find the combination of my personality and my looks something that you want to spend time with.

I guess if I sent a picture – I could save myself a lot of stress because then I would already know what they think of me.  But I just can’t.  One if you really think about it, you are creating and distributing porn. Actually there is really no other way to think about it – that’s what is happening.

Now, I understand, that people who are in a committed relationship, may want to send photos to each other.  But in this situation, they aren’t strangers.  I don’t maybe I am prude – or naive and really the world has come to the fact that people are really comfortable sending photos of themselves and one day I will come around to this. But as of right now, I sticking with – no.

Dating Double Standards…

OK, I may be new to the whole world of dating – but I am noticing a lot of double standards when it comes to the way guys and girls act.

1 – The response text: There can be the whole waiting game when it comes to responding to a text message – and that’s a whole other story.  I am noticing that guys can take minutes, hours, days, or weeks to respond to a message and there is no issue in that.  But when it comes to girls responding there are so many land mines.  You can either respond too quickly, which means they will see you as eager and annoying – BUT if you wait more than what they think is the right time to respond you are ignoring them and hate them and they bitch and complain that all of a sudden you are not interested in them.

2- Being invited over: Guys think that girls will just invite them to their homes without any hesitation – but when I asked why they think this is ok but, wouldn’t invite a girl to their house – the response was because no girl would come, it would be creepy.  UMMM – so why wouldn’t it be creepy to have them come to a woman’s house.  What is wrong with wanting to meet in public?  When did online dating become straight up online hookup.

Catfish

The Internet is creepy. No matter what you do or say, it boils down to the fact that – behind a computer or phone or tablet or whatever, you can be anyone. You can be a teenager looking to try things they know they shouldn’t do. You can be someone older pretending to be young, and many other possibilities.

It’s like the Brad Paisley song Online. He talks about how in real life he could be a short, stocky, bald man but in his online profiles he could look like Brad Pitt.

I have been lucky that I haven’t run into this more frequently. But I just had one guy, who I’m pretty sure isn’t who he says he is. He had a bunch of photos on his profile, and it all seemed legit. I even tried Googleing his photo to see if it had been stolen (because you know, that’s a thing now). It came out that it wasn’t used anywhere else. I was a bit skeptical when he cancelled our date day of because “his grandfather was sick” which all my friends and I are pretty sure was a line. He stopped talking to me for a while then randomly responded again one night. He asked for a picture to use for his caller ID – and so I asked for one too. Now I always screen shot the profile pictures of who I am talking to so I don’t forget, so I had one already, but wanted to make sure he was who he said he was. When he sent me the new picture …it was a new person, but when I called him out he said they were both him. I’m sorry but you don’t have a cleft chin one day and never again.

He tried to say he was the same person and didn’t know what to say to make me believe him. I asked him to take a picture of himself smiling with a thumbs up. This way I would know he couldn’t just find a stock photo he had laying around. When I asked for this he got defensive and mean, saying I was being creepy and he didn’t have to prove anything to me. Which is true, I don’t know him, he doesn’t owe me anything. But seriously, how easy is to tell that I’ve caught you in a lie.

The thing is, the second picture was still cute…so I don’t know why he was lying (if that was even really him….for all I know he’s a 75 year old white man (he’s black in the photos) sitting in California trying to mess with people because he is bored.

The Dreaded Run In

So after you go on a date with someone, and it doesn’t work out – you usually don’t ever have to worry about seeing them again.  Unless of course, you work a block away from each other.

I went to get drinks with a co-worker and as we were walking down the street I noticed this guy walking in the opposite direction – and of course, it was the first guy I went out with when I moved to town.  He was the one that said “he needed time to figure out himself” while he stilll kept updating his dating profile.

It was the awkward – we both saw each other, clearly recogonized each other, and both chose to ignore each other. Luckily I was with someone, so I didn’t look lonely or anything.  I looked like I had a social life, and that I didn’t care at all about seeing him.

Why is that such an awkward thing? Wait, I know – because you have seen me naked, and decided that you didn’t like me enough to continue seeing me.  Now running into you, I have to either pretend like I don’t know you, or don’t see you – because neither of us want to actually acknowledge each other. Maybe one day exes will be able to talk to each other…..maybe not.

I’m sorry that I can’t meet you 10 minutes after you say hello.

When people use to meet, they would give each other their phone numbers, and set up a time to meet – later, and when I say later, I usually don’t mean later that day. So why is it that when you talk to a guy online, they get upset when you can’t meet them ten minutes after they say hi?

I have started talking to a few people, and then they ask me, like 10 minutes into the conversation, if I want to meet them for a drink – like right then.  Although, I will admit, I don’t have the most bustling social life, I am not always available at people’s beckon call.  But then they get mad at me.

I get it, when you are online dating, it happens that when you start talking to people there are chances that you will never actually meet in person.  But, if someone says, tonight doesn’t work – when are you available next week – an appropriate response is not – well I guess we can plan for next year, because you’re never going to actually meet me.

Ummm……boys are so frustrating.