Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out).
But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain.
I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go.
Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them.
Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward.
Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.
I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time?
I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines.