The Waiting Game

Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out). 

But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain. 

I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go. 

Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them. 

Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward. 

Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.  

I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time? 

I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines. 

You’re working on what?

So I have taken a little break lately from dating.  I haven’t been actively looking into people for a while, but this past few weeks – I have decided that, you know what – why not.

So I added all my apps back and started looking into people that I could talk to and hopefully I would find someone worth talking to. BUT if the past is any indication as to what to expect from the online dating world, I have to set my expectations to an appropriately low level.  I am glad that I did – because here are some of the gems that I have received:

-From Plenty of Fish – First message I received: “You look like you like your ass eaten.” Why, what is it about my picture that makes you think I like my ass eaten? My photo is a selfie of my FACE – I am in a full length gown with long sleeves, so it’s not like I have one of those memes that guys have of a guy eating a girl. What is it about me that makes you think that – also what makes you think that is an ok to send to an actual human being.

-From Badoo – Talking to a guy, that I knew he was married with kids and it said that he was looking for friends: Him: “You didn’t invite me over to kiss you” Me: “Why would I, I know you are married and I am not interested in talking to you if you are looking to cheat on your wife.” Him “I’m working on it.” Me: “Working on what?” Him: “being married.”  You sir are despicable. This makes me hate men – and fear for the male race.

-From Tinder – I had been talking to this guy for a couple of days and we even planned to go out for dinner. Day of the dinner we are talking about meeting up and I confirm the time and next thing I know he has blocked me. I think this is the umpteenth time that I have had someone who now that I think about it – could be a catfish. When it finally comes to meeting he disappears.

-From Plenty of Fish – “I wish I could give you a back and foot massage – I love rubbing feet, and smelling them. I have a foot fetish” Well sir – at least you are honest.

-From OkCupid – “Are you interested in BDSM?”

-From Plenty of Fish – “Hi” “Hey” “Hi” “Hey” “Hey what’s up” “Hi” “Hey” (oh and this is the same guy from about 6 different accounts.  What are you doing that you have to remake your profile so many times.  And what about the fact that I never respond makes you think that sending it from another account (same photo so I know it’s you)

These are just a few gems that I have received.  Not really giving me the faith in men that I am hoping to see.

I SERIOUSLY attract all the crazies

So I haven’t been super active in the dating world for the past few weeks. I’ve talked to some guys, and been out a few times – but really it’s just depressing.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I attract the weirdest guys.  I have friends who say they went on two dates from a dating site, and found someone they want to be with.  I have talked to DOZENS of guys, been on DOZENS of dates and it is just HORRIBLE.

The guys that talk to me seem to start out normal – and then just end up being painfully weird.  Like one guy, had some kind of social awkwardness and most of the night was spent in silence and awkward pauses.  Another guy freaked out because I said I didn’t want to go out one night, so his come back was good I fart in public, and like to have smelly armpits. I didn’t know if you were going to take a clue. (this guy was a real peach actually – he tried to reach out like 4 times but I kept boring him with the fact that he was an asshole and said he didn’t want to talk to me but then did want to talk to me I guess.)

I don’t know what I do. Do I send out the vibes to the crazy guys?  For once I would like to meet someone who kept up a conversation, didn’t have any major freakouts and didn’t try and show me his penis before we meet.  Is this really that much to ask?  C’mon society – there has to be a few of these guys still out there, who aren’t gay and aren’t already taken.