The Waiting Game

Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out). 

But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain. 

I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go. 

Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them. 

Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward. 

Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.  

I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time? 

I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines. 

Showing off your assets…?

When it comes to dating with technology, the instant gratification has taken a new step.  Guys are really comfortable sending girls photos of themselves (and I mean all of themselves – they have no shame and are proud to show it off). But because guys are so comfortable doing this, they just assume that all girls are just as comfortable, or eager to send photos of themselves.

Well call me old fashioned, call me prude, call me whatever you want to, but I am never going to be entirely comfortable sending a strange a photo of my naked body.  I will admit, that yes, I have some confidence issues when it comes to my body (but let’s be real, what girl doesn’t).  And showing it off in a picture to someone is terrifying.  First I am trying to impress you enough to make you like me enough to want to meet me. Then once we have met – you get to decide if you actually find the combination of my personality and my looks something that you want to spend time with.

I guess if I sent a picture – I could save myself a lot of stress because then I would already know what they think of me.  But I just can’t.  One if you really think about it, you are creating and distributing porn. Actually there is really no other way to think about it – that’s what is happening.

Now, I understand, that people who are in a committed relationship, may want to send photos to each other.  But in this situation, they aren’t strangers.  I don’t maybe I am prude – or naive and really the world has come to the fact that people are really comfortable sending photos of themselves and one day I will come around to this. But as of right now, I sticking with – no.

You Want to Know….What?

I am finding with more and more of the guys that I am talking to, that they want to hear, in very specific detail, about what you have done with other guys. I would understand if they asked me different things that I like, or I guess things that I have tried, but this is different, and weird.

I have had different guys ask if I have gotten any from anyone else, and if I said yes, they really want to know what happened.  Like they want a step by step, blow by blow, account of what happened…because it gets them off. I don’t tell them the details, because it’s weird.  But then I start thinking about it, and realizing that, you don’t know what is happening on the other end of the phone.

No matter what they are saying to you, you don’t know what they are doing…or worse, you do know.  They tell you that they are getting hard looking at your picture and putting their hands down their pants.  All I can say to this is Boys Are Disgusting.