The Waiting Game

Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out). 

But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain. 

I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go. 

Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them. 

Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward. 

Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.  

I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time? 

I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines. 

Laters babe…

Babe, hun, sweetie, princess…all the pet names a guy will call you because they think we think it’s cute. And to some people it is, and at a certain point in the relationship it is. 

But, if you call me babe in the second message, especially if I have told you my name. I think you are being cheap. You dont want to learn my name, either because you just don’t care, or you don’t want to mess up and call me the wrong one. 

Let’s be honest here, especially online, we all know that you’re talking to multiple people until one really connects and you want to see where it goes (hopefully). So I get that you might mix up names. It’s fine. But if I say that I don’t want to be called babe – It’s not because I’m insecure, or a fighter, or a bitch, or whatever other reason you’ve come up with. It’s because to me, a pet name is a term of endearment that your partner calls you. And that should mean something, be a special thing for you two. Not just some fuckboy who thinks calling you that will get him into your pants. 

Ok…rant over. 

Curiosity kills the cat

Alright. I will admit that with all the guys I’ve dated lately, I’ve been the exception to the social stalking norm. I have not wanted to be friends with the on social media. I haven’t wanted to know about their past and I don’t want them to necessarily want them to see my past. 

Well that all went to shit. One of the guys that I was dating (and it was the guy who I was seeing the longest) friended me on social media. This was the worst decision I have ever made. At first I wasn’t going to look. But then curiosity got the best of me. Well actually curiosity got the worst of me. I started looking, and I had to know. I had to know who he had dated before so that I could compare myself to them.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  As women we constantly feel the need to compete with the past. YOU CAN’T!  There is a reason they are in the past and you are the present. Your partber saw something in you that they wanted to explore. We need to learn to embrace this and embrace what makes us special. Now it is WAY  easier for me to type this than to actually follow my own words. 

But if you want my advice (which you probably don’t but I’m gonna give it anyway) don’t social stalk your partner. It’s never gonna prove or resolve anything. It’s just going to give you indegestion. Be with that person. And when you’re no longer with that person DE-FRIEND THEM! 

Heyyyyyyy HRU WYD

It used to be that when you think of people who talk in text, you imagined a valley girl at the mall.  But I am learning more and more that guys on dating sites are either lazy or have soooo much going on that at least 50% of the their messages are basically in code that you have to figure out.

This code can range from deciding if adding exgtra letters to a word is a good or bad thing.  Like for example, a normal person says hey – but guys on dating sites say heyyyyyyyy.  I am not sure that the extra “y’s” are a good thing or a bad thing! Then if they are not making a 3 letter word a 15 letter word they are making a 3 word sentence into 3 letters.

I have recently learned a few key phrases that are used by multiple people: hru = how are you. WYD = what are you doing? GM = good morning. RLY = really.  There are more and new ones pop every day that I have to actually ask – what are you saying.

What happened to when people wrote letters to each other?  I know this may ne the romantic in me, but Noah on the Notebook wrote Allie a letter everyday for a year – and now I can barely get guys to write me a full word.