Reading the signs 

So again it’s been a while. I’m sorry. But I’m back. In the time that I’ve been gone a lot of shit went down. And as I think about it, I know I’m not the o my person (woman or man) who has dealt with these types of things. But I do want to make sure that I don’t hide from them.

I’ve dated two different guys since my last post. One is a short story about my first high school boyfriend, that didnt take place until the last year of my twenties. And the second is a more intense story about what could be considered an obsession. 

First (only because it’s more recent) my first high school boyfriend. I call him this because we both had roommate situations that made it difficult to hang out at each other’s houses so we just drove around a lot. This one, I could see the sign that it was high school, but then it ended when he asked me to pay for his phone bill after we had only know. Each other like not even two weeks. Come on! If anything I need a sugar daddy – I can’t be a sugar momma. So this sign was flashing a bright red “SCRUB” and I walked away. Poetically he ended our breakup call by saying goodbye and giving my full name. It was weird. Haha. 

Next the obsessive one. So this one, I should have read more signs, and sooner. But, as a naive dater, I didn’t. Luckily nothing really happened, because I know it could have been much worse. So here’s the story. 

I started dating this guy and he had out of season work, but kept changing his job, and trying to get new jobs that paid more. Now this I get. Wanting to better your situation, understanding. But, when you then basically don’t work, and have no money to your name because you refuse to accept a job that doesn’t pay what you think you deserve. Then you’re an idiot. I would tell him to just take any job, so he had something to do, and money coming in, but he didn’t. So there’s flashing sign number one. 

Flashing sign number 2, when I brought him to stay the night at my place one night, we had a big fight because he wouldn’t get out of the car (Like a child) and when he finally did, my dog HATED him. Like straight up, didn’t like him. People – animals have good intuition and they aren’t blinded by stupid things…listen to them!

But the biggest sign that I wasn’t with a good person was when he stopped retaining things I would say to him minutes earlier. And this was a super fast down hill slope. Basically it stemmed down to him not understanding why I wouldn’t spend all my time with him. Oh I don’t know, maybe because I have friends, responsibilities, a life etc. But anyway, he freaked out on me when I left his house to go baby sit  (something I do every week) and called me a total of 8 times by the time I was done. Saying he was worried about me – even though I had told him multiple times I was babysitting and couldn’t talke. It escalated from that and finally I had to threaten to get a harassment charge set against him if he didn’t leave me alone. 

I am happy to say that he has left me alone since then. But, it is something I think about. How I was lucky that I got away before something really bad happened. How he could have come to my house to do something. And I know that there are people who aren’t as lucky. So here is my little PSA. If you think something is amiss, trust yourself. Talk to someone else about it. See if they think it’s an over reaction or something you should really stop and think about.

You’re working on what?

So I have taken a little break lately from dating.  I haven’t been actively looking into people for a while, but this past few weeks – I have decided that, you know what – why not.

So I added all my apps back and started looking into people that I could talk to and hopefully I would find someone worth talking to. BUT if the past is any indication as to what to expect from the online dating world, I have to set my expectations to an appropriately low level.  I am glad that I did – because here are some of the gems that I have received:

-From Plenty of Fish – First message I received: “You look like you like your ass eaten.” Why, what is it about my picture that makes you think I like my ass eaten? My photo is a selfie of my FACE – I am in a full length gown with long sleeves, so it’s not like I have one of those memes that guys have of a guy eating a girl. What is it about me that makes you think that – also what makes you think that is an ok to send to an actual human being.

-From Badoo – Talking to a guy, that I knew he was married with kids and it said that he was looking for friends: Him: “You didn’t invite me over to kiss you” Me: “Why would I, I know you are married and I am not interested in talking to you if you are looking to cheat on your wife.” Him “I’m working on it.” Me: “Working on what?” Him: “being married.”  You sir are despicable. This makes me hate men – and fear for the male race.

-From Tinder – I had been talking to this guy for a couple of days and we even planned to go out for dinner. Day of the dinner we are talking about meeting up and I confirm the time and next thing I know he has blocked me. I think this is the umpteenth time that I have had someone who now that I think about it – could be a catfish. When it finally comes to meeting he disappears.

-From Plenty of Fish – “I wish I could give you a back and foot massage – I love rubbing feet, and smelling them. I have a foot fetish” Well sir – at least you are honest.

-From OkCupid – “Are you interested in BDSM?”

-From Plenty of Fish – “Hi” “Hey” “Hi” “Hey” “Hey what’s up” “Hi” “Hey” (oh and this is the same guy from about 6 different accounts.  What are you doing that you have to remake your profile so many times.  And what about the fact that I never respond makes you think that sending it from another account (same photo so I know it’s you)

These are just a few gems that I have received.  Not really giving me the faith in men that I am hoping to see.

Fifty Shades of…What did you say?

I will admit, I am a huge fan of the Fifty Shades book series.  I own all the books, have read them more than once, and I own the movie version. And I may be naive as to people’s sexual preferences, but I fell like people have taken the popularity of this series to explore the Dominant/Submissive relationship.

Let’s start with the profiles that men put up, that have photos of them from the neck down.  Then you go to read their profile and they assure that they aren’t married or anything, it’s just because of the “nature of the relationship that they want” they don’t want to show their faces publicly.  There are an unreasonably large amount of guys like this.

Then—there are the guys that send you messages asking if you want to be thier submissive.  Which can be really weird.  Because they can get really detailed about what they want from you.  I have had more than one guy tell me that I should be a submissive, which because I am me, I had to ask what they actually wanted me to do.

It was very Christian and Anna.  They would tell me that they would want me to follow their orders to please them, which then in turn would please me because they would be pleased.  When I would tell them I am not submissive, I have a backbone and a mind of my own.

I don’t know if it is just because the movie has come out that guys think they can get girls to be more into it. Or if they are just more comfortable actually telling people that this iswhat they are into.  What I really don’t know is if there is just something about my face that makes guys think that I am submissive or what – but please stop asking….that’s not what I want in a relationship.