The Waiting Game

Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out). 

But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain. 

I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go. 

Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them. 

Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward. 

Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.  

I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time? 

I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines. 

Laters babe…

Babe, hun, sweetie, princess…all the pet names a guy will call you because they think we think it’s cute. And to some people it is, and at a certain point in the relationship it is. 

But, if you call me babe in the second message, especially if I have told you my name. I think you are being cheap. You dont want to learn my name, either because you just don’t care, or you don’t want to mess up and call me the wrong one. 

Let’s be honest here, especially online, we all know that you’re talking to multiple people until one really connects and you want to see where it goes (hopefully). So I get that you might mix up names. It’s fine. But if I say that I don’t want to be called babe – It’s not because I’m insecure, or a fighter, or a bitch, or whatever other reason you’ve come up with. It’s because to me, a pet name is a term of endearment that your partner calls you. And that should mean something, be a special thing for you two. Not just some fuckboy who thinks calling you that will get him into your pants. 

Ok…rant over. 

Reading the signs 

So again it’s been a while. I’m sorry. But I’m back. In the time that I’ve been gone a lot of shit went down. And as I think about it, I know I’m not the o my person (woman or man) who has dealt with these types of things. But I do want to make sure that I don’t hide from them.

I’ve dated two different guys since my last post. One is a short story about my first high school boyfriend, that didnt take place until the last year of my twenties. And the second is a more intense story about what could be considered an obsession. 

First (only because it’s more recent) my first high school boyfriend. I call him this because we both had roommate situations that made it difficult to hang out at each other’s houses so we just drove around a lot. This one, I could see the sign that it was high school, but then it ended when he asked me to pay for his phone bill after we had only know. Each other like not even two weeks. Come on! If anything I need a sugar daddy – I can’t be a sugar momma. So this sign was flashing a bright red “SCRUB” and I walked away. Poetically he ended our breakup call by saying goodbye and giving my full name. It was weird. Haha. 

Next the obsessive one. So this one, I should have read more signs, and sooner. But, as a naive dater, I didn’t. Luckily nothing really happened, because I know it could have been much worse. So here’s the story. 

I started dating this guy and he had out of season work, but kept changing his job, and trying to get new jobs that paid more. Now this I get. Wanting to better your situation, understanding. But, when you then basically don’t work, and have no money to your name because you refuse to accept a job that doesn’t pay what you think you deserve. Then you’re an idiot. I would tell him to just take any job, so he had something to do, and money coming in, but he didn’t. So there’s flashing sign number one. 

Flashing sign number 2, when I brought him to stay the night at my place one night, we had a big fight because he wouldn’t get out of the car (Like a child) and when he finally did, my dog HATED him. Like straight up, didn’t like him. People – animals have good intuition and they aren’t blinded by stupid things…listen to them!

But the biggest sign that I wasn’t with a good person was when he stopped retaining things I would say to him minutes earlier. And this was a super fast down hill slope. Basically it stemmed down to him not understanding why I wouldn’t spend all my time with him. Oh I don’t know, maybe because I have friends, responsibilities, a life etc. But anyway, he freaked out on me when I left his house to go baby sit  (something I do every week) and called me a total of 8 times by the time I was done. Saying he was worried about me – even though I had told him multiple times I was babysitting and couldn’t talke. It escalated from that and finally I had to threaten to get a harassment charge set against him if he didn’t leave me alone. 

I am happy to say that he has left me alone since then. But, it is something I think about. How I was lucky that I got away before something really bad happened. How he could have come to my house to do something. And I know that there are people who aren’t as lucky. So here is my little PSA. If you think something is amiss, trust yourself. Talk to someone else about it. See if they think it’s an over reaction or something you should really stop and think about.

The end of an era….maybe

Well, apparently, not every guy you meet is a total asshole. Who knew? haha. Well we all hope it’s true, but as you can see in my previous posts, it is like finding a diamond in the rough (And just in case you were wondering , yes my if did just drift off to Aladdin being a diamond I  the rough). 

So I started seeing a new guy, and he is different from everyone else that I have been with. And when I think about it, really I’m different. I’m no longer really hoping that boqueny makes an appearance. Well ok maybe she can, but I’m hoping it’s just to let a crazy side out with the person I’m dating, exclusively.

It’s a whole new world for me (Aladdin reference number 2). I’m standing up to guys being pig’s, I’m demanding to be taken seriously, and treated well. And when I do this, it really does help to weed through the riff raff. 

So here’s to hoping this guys doesn’t have some weird secret love child or some deviant thing going on. fingers crossed.

Update: this guy = total loser 😑

Curiosity kills the cat

Alright. I will admit that with all the guys I’ve dated lately, I’ve been the exception to the social stalking norm. I have not wanted to be friends with the on social media. I haven’t wanted to know about their past and I don’t want them to necessarily want them to see my past. 

Well that all went to shit. One of the guys that I was dating (and it was the guy who I was seeing the longest) friended me on social media. This was the worst decision I have ever made. At first I wasn’t going to look. But then curiosity got the best of me. Well actually curiosity got the worst of me. I started looking, and I had to know. I had to know who he had dated before so that I could compare myself to them.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  As women we constantly feel the need to compete with the past. YOU CAN’T!  There is a reason they are in the past and you are the present. Your partber saw something in you that they wanted to explore. We need to learn to embrace this and embrace what makes us special. Now it is WAY  easier for me to type this than to actually follow my own words. 

But if you want my advice (which you probably don’t but I’m gonna give it anyway) don’t social stalk your partner. It’s never gonna prove or resolve anything. It’s just going to give you indegestion. Be with that person. And when you’re no longer with that person DE-FRIEND THEM!