The Waiting Game

Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out). 

But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain. 

I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go. 

Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them. 

Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward. 

Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.  

I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time? 

I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines. 

We need to set the record straight

Ok, so I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this befor, but unfortunately it’s not going away. The dreaded dick pic. I would like to first say a F you to the first guy to send a photo of his penis on a camera phone. 

Seriously we have come up with some incredible technology and to think that it’s being used for guys to blast photos of their genitals to random (or not) women, I’m just sad. 

But I really want to get it through men’s heads. Women have no desire to see photos of your penis. It’s ugly. AND asking us why we don’t want to see a photo, but are ok with it inside us….think about it moron. If you send us a photo, it does nothing, we aren’t going to look at it and feel the immediate need to pull out our rabbits. We are gonna be grossed out, or we may be critical and actually examine it and find all the flaws we can. 

If we are seeing it in person, it’s still ugly!  Don’t get that wrong. BUT, we know we are going to have sex (and let’s be real we can have sex and we never actually have to see it – which isn’t a bad thing). And if we are having sex, we are doing it because we either need to (yes, girls like causal sex sometimes too) or we are wanting to be intimate with our partners. 

I know this is cliché but, just imagine if you had a daughter and some guy was sending her the messages you send women. It’s sad, disrespectful, and pathetic. 

You’re working on what?

So I have taken a little break lately from dating.  I haven’t been actively looking into people for a while, but this past few weeks – I have decided that, you know what – why not.

So I added all my apps back and started looking into people that I could talk to and hopefully I would find someone worth talking to. BUT if the past is any indication as to what to expect from the online dating world, I have to set my expectations to an appropriately low level.  I am glad that I did – because here are some of the gems that I have received:

-From Plenty of Fish – First message I received: “You look like you like your ass eaten.” Why, what is it about my picture that makes you think I like my ass eaten? My photo is a selfie of my FACE – I am in a full length gown with long sleeves, so it’s not like I have one of those memes that guys have of a guy eating a girl. What is it about me that makes you think that – also what makes you think that is an ok to send to an actual human being.

-From Badoo – Talking to a guy, that I knew he was married with kids and it said that he was looking for friends: Him: “You didn’t invite me over to kiss you” Me: “Why would I, I know you are married and I am not interested in talking to you if you are looking to cheat on your wife.” Him “I’m working on it.” Me: “Working on what?” Him: “being married.”  You sir are despicable. This makes me hate men – and fear for the male race.

-From Tinder – I had been talking to this guy for a couple of days and we even planned to go out for dinner. Day of the dinner we are talking about meeting up and I confirm the time and next thing I know he has blocked me. I think this is the umpteenth time that I have had someone who now that I think about it – could be a catfish. When it finally comes to meeting he disappears.

-From Plenty of Fish – “I wish I could give you a back and foot massage – I love rubbing feet, and smelling them. I have a foot fetish” Well sir – at least you are honest.

-From OkCupid – “Are you interested in BDSM?”

-From Plenty of Fish – “Hi” “Hey” “Hi” “Hey” “Hey what’s up” “Hi” “Hey” (oh and this is the same guy from about 6 different accounts.  What are you doing that you have to remake your profile so many times.  And what about the fact that I never respond makes you think that sending it from another account (same photo so I know it’s you)

These are just a few gems that I have received.  Not really giving me the faith in men that I am hoping to see.

Seriously, I don’t wan’t to f**k you

I’m not sure when hello turned into – “please come over and fuck me”. But more and more of guys these days just assume that if I respond to your message, that means I am going to invite you over to my house and fuck you – to then never talk to you again. Romantic, right?

I have this one guy.  He has tried to meet up multiple times, and I keep telling him no. I am not sure why he keeps pushing, but he does. I tell him that we are not going to just meet and have sex, that I would want to meet someone in public see what happens and then go from there.  It’s not to say that I would never sleep with a guy on the first date (just read some of my other posts – it’s happened). But I am really uncomfortable with the whole idea of just meeting a stranger online and having them think we are going to have sex.

But back to this guy.  He is convinced we are going to just hook up.  And after I tell him we are not, he tries to then make ME feel guilty about it because “he wants to please me.” And its my fault because he was really looking forward to us hooking up. Ummm…..first off – don’t text me 20 minutes before you decide you want to “please me” and be mad when I have plans and can’t drop it to fuck you. Second off – don’t try and make me feel bad that I don’t want o fuck a stranger just because you claim you do. Or get made me if you ask – “aren’t you horny”…uhhh nope – I typically have about a million other things on my mind other than sex – especially if I have never met you. Now, if you are Ryan Gosling, then maybe – yes I would invite you over and have my way with you without question.  But you are not. So go away.

 

Friend with Benefits or a Booty Call

I’ve said it before, I don’t really understand the Friend with Benefits concept.  I mean, you spend time with the person and hang out, and then add sex.  As everyone says, sex makes everything complicated.  It’s true.  I’ve seen this guy a few times, and the last few times we have hooked up.  I don’t know what we really are, I guess just sleeping together.  But it’s weird, when he comes over we talk, cuddle on the couch, order dinner, goof around, and yes, have sex. But we don’t talk unless he is seeing if I am available for him to come over.

I understand that when he comes over, it is so we can have sex, but if that were really all it was, shouldn’t he just come over do it and leave?  Why spend time holding me on the couch or even in bed afterwards. You just send mixed singles. At least I thought it was mixed signals. Then he text me at 9 pm asking if I would be up at midnight so he could come over.  This is the crossover from friend with benefit to strictly a bootycall.  I am no ones bootycall.

Because sex complicates everything, I don’t want to continue sleeping with him in case I were to think things were going further than they are.  So in order to basically keep a wall up – I have decided that they smartest way to go about this, is to space out our visits.  If I keep a distance then I cant create an attachment.

How pathetic is this.  This is why dating sucks, you can’t even just go with does someone like more or not, it’s do they like me, do they just want to sleep with me. Then, it’s do you like them, do you just want to sleep with them, are you willing to see if it’s going to be more than a hookup.  Now-a-days, even if guys say they want a relationship, they really want to just have sex without the relationship. So you have to think: Are you willing to try just a hook up – ughhhhh it’s exhausting.

The Friends with Benefits

fwb

There is this new phenomenon going on, that they have even made the same movie two different times (we all realize that Friends with Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis is the same movie as No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) Friends with Benefits.

For those of you living under a rock – here is the basic concept of the friends with benefits.  You find someone, that you are either already friends with, or become friends with them, and you sleep together – BUT – you’re not in a relationship. So basically you do everything about a relationship, learn about them, hang out with them, have sex with them, but you’re not exclusively with them.

This is the part that baffles me.  How do people do this and not get attached?  I know, I know, that is the basic plot of the movies mentioned earlier, but really.  For me when I have hooked up with a guy, and don’t have a connection to them, that’s what makes things easier.  But if I knew the person and had any type of relationship – friendship or whatever – and then added sex to the picture.  I doubt that I would be able to separate the two.

I do realize that I am basically saying, that in order to avoid feelings I would rather sleep around with a bunch of random people one time, versus sleep with one person multiple times.  I mean if I were to know that I could start a relationship, then I would obviously choose one person.  But I don’t think I could sleep with a person on a regular basis, knowing that they wanted to have the option of sleeping with someone else.

This also brings me to the idea of threesomes, or open relationships.  I know they teach you to share when you are younger.  But a sexual partner – is not something I want to willing share….EVER! And I will also never be the girl that will be dating someone and then have my parter watch me with someone else…,that’s just weird too.