The Waiting Game

Ok, so first off, in writing even the title of this post I instantly have the song “Waiting” from the Mary Kate and Ashley School Dance Party movie. (If you have not seen this gem you are missing out). 

But this waiting is a little different. In fact I have a two fold in the title. Waiting for a guy to actually make a move, or finding a guy who will wait for you. Let me explain. 

I recently finally had to end something that has been dragging on to like a year. A guy in one of the dating websites and I had been talking, both seemingly interested but every time we would go to make plans, he bailed or went ghost. Then he would just pop back a few weeks/months later joking and try and say he still wanted to meet. And I waited. I let this go on. Boys and girls…STOP!! If someone you’re talking to does this it is not worth waiting around to see if they will change or actually follow through. They are clearly not in a good space. Just let them go. 

Next, finding someone to wait for you. This in itself is two fold. You are constantly waiting and weeding through the harassment of horrible messages, dick pics, pick up lines and losers to hopefully find a decent person.(if anyone has any tips on where to find said decent people….HELP ME!) But once you think you’ve found someone you think is decent enough for you to spend time with, there is the magical waiting time to decide when to sleep with them. 

Now on this, I’m torn. On the one hand I do want to build a relationship that is built on more than just sex. I want a partner in life and sex is only a component of that. On the other hand, I’m a young woman who is considered to be at an age of sexual prime, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I like sex and want to have it. So how long do you wait. Because if you jump into bed with them right away do they really think they have to do much to earn it? But if you wait too long do you either run the risk of losing something that had great potential or wait and then realize there is no chemistry but you’re more invested so you’re more conflicted about how to move forward. 

Growing up, my mom always said, if you don’t connect with someone sexually – it’s highly unlikely that will change. Sex is a part of a relationship just like talking. If you can’t communicate, you’re doomed verbally or sexually.  

I know before it was the third date was the sex date. But what if you have three dates in 3 days? Lately I’m seeing that dates are being scheduled closer together. So instead of it possibly taking 3 weeks to get to your 3rd date (with phone calls in between getting to actually know someone and develop feelings). So what’s best, right away, after a certain number of dates, after a certain length of time? 

I know every situation will be different, but I just wish someone, somewhere had a rule book that everyone could follow, or at least guidelines. 

Laters babe…

Babe, hun, sweetie, princess…all the pet names a guy will call you because they think we think it’s cute. And to some people it is, and at a certain point in the relationship it is. 

But, if you call me babe in the second message, especially if I have told you my name. I think you are being cheap. You dont want to learn my name, either because you just don’t care, or you don’t want to mess up and call me the wrong one. 

Let’s be honest here, especially online, we all know that you’re talking to multiple people until one really connects and you want to see where it goes (hopefully). So I get that you might mix up names. It’s fine. But if I say that I don’t want to be called babe – It’s not because I’m insecure, or a fighter, or a bitch, or whatever other reason you’ve come up with. It’s because to me, a pet name is a term of endearment that your partner calls you. And that should mean something, be a special thing for you two. Not just some fuckboy who thinks calling you that will get him into your pants. 

Ok…rant over. 

We need to set the record straight

Ok, so I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this befor, but unfortunately it’s not going away. The dreaded dick pic. I would like to first say a F you to the first guy to send a photo of his penis on a camera phone. 

Seriously we have come up with some incredible technology and to think that it’s being used for guys to blast photos of their genitals to random (or not) women, I’m just sad. 

But I really want to get it through men’s heads. Women have no desire to see photos of your penis. It’s ugly. AND asking us why we don’t want to see a photo, but are ok with it inside us….think about it moron. If you send us a photo, it does nothing, we aren’t going to look at it and feel the immediate need to pull out our rabbits. We are gonna be grossed out, or we may be critical and actually examine it and find all the flaws we can. 

If we are seeing it in person, it’s still ugly!  Don’t get that wrong. BUT, we know we are going to have sex (and let’s be real we can have sex and we never actually have to see it – which isn’t a bad thing). And if we are having sex, we are doing it because we either need to (yes, girls like causal sex sometimes too) or we are wanting to be intimate with our partners. 

I know this is cliché but, just imagine if you had a daughter and some guy was sending her the messages you send women. It’s sad, disrespectful, and pathetic. 

Farm Boy

6fb30ad654f7ad1a59bc355275023016ecbce0b29285997d3fa71085fe1903af

So here is the story of the farmer.  Shortly after I moved to the area, I started back on the dating sites.  I started talking to this guy, on tinder, and yes – I am a bit embarrassed to admit that, but it is what it is.

We talked a bit on the app, then moved to text, and then the weirdest thing happened. He called me. In this day in age, it is so rare to have a guy call you. Its usually just dirty texts to try and get a booty call. But this guy was different.  He was respectful, and nice, and treated me well. It was like – well – meeting a unicorn.

So after a few calls, he called one night and convinced me that I shouldn’t freak out and just meet him. I told him I couldn’t meet him because he wanted me to meet right then, and I was looking like a bum. He played on my insecurities by saying that I was afraid to try something because I am worried that I might actually fall in love. Well then, that’s a kicker. How can you really compete with that?

So we had a really normal date. We went to Applebees for drinks. (So coming from Philly which is like a food mecca – this was super cheesy to go to a chain place, but hey it worked). We watched the Orioles game and had a drink and then made out hard core in the parking lot.  To make it even cheesier we were very close to the beach so I could see the beach fireworks going off.

For date two – I kind of caved a bit. I told myself that I wasn’t going to go over to his house on date two, but I did.  It was a lot of fun though. And I have never felt so much like a city girl as I did riding on a gater around his farm. He introduced me to his cows. Like, legitimate cows. Then we met the goats. When I say farmer – I mean farmer.  Also I learned where the farmer lived on his (parents) farm. In a trailer – that if we are being honest should be condemned. And I don’t say that lightly. The floors are going to fall through, the siding is coming off, his couch was eaten by his dog while she was pregnant (and through multiple pregnancies, which means the couch had no cushions – but he wouldn’t replace it.) Yeah, I didn’t know it before, but the country/farmer thing was kinda hot. And I will admit, the sex was really great. Easily the best that I have had. And after that I stayed the night and even just sleeping next to him was really nice.

From there we talked every day, and he would call, and he would listen to me and he would do things that indicated that he cared. I really liked him. I even looked past the fact that he has two kids.  Oh yeah, he is a father. And although it’s not an ideal situation, I accepted it. I was ready to at least look at this as a possibility.

I visited his house a couple more times, and would sleep over, talk about things, life etc. Then the last time I went over. We ate dinner, watched a movie – and I learned all about his secret baby. Yup – I said secret baby. He was complaining about the guy who helps him out on the farm and with his kids during the day.  And when he said his kids, I assumed it was his two sons.  I was not aware of the fact that he has a 4 month old baby with a woman who he was not serious about at all, just convinced him that she wanted a baby and he thought it would be a good idea. Oh and this woman is still in his life, since you know, they have a child together.

So yeah, I freaked out, because WTF does that mean. That he just doesn’t care how many kids he has and with as many women as he wants. Makes me feel really special. So instead of freaking out about the kids, I asked him what he thought we were.  We have been talking for a few months and wanted to know if he thought that we had the potential of making this a long term thing, or if he thought this was just a fling.  His response “I have no idea.”

He has known that since the beginning, I am looking for a long term thing, I couldn’t just let this slide as an is what it is. From there the talking has faded and its basically died. I don’t regret this, because it showed me what I really wanted from a guy.  How I should be treated by someone.

 

You’re working on what?

So I have taken a little break lately from dating.  I haven’t been actively looking into people for a while, but this past few weeks – I have decided that, you know what – why not.

So I added all my apps back and started looking into people that I could talk to and hopefully I would find someone worth talking to. BUT if the past is any indication as to what to expect from the online dating world, I have to set my expectations to an appropriately low level.  I am glad that I did – because here are some of the gems that I have received:

-From Plenty of Fish – First message I received: “You look like you like your ass eaten.” Why, what is it about my picture that makes you think I like my ass eaten? My photo is a selfie of my FACE – I am in a full length gown with long sleeves, so it’s not like I have one of those memes that guys have of a guy eating a girl. What is it about me that makes you think that – also what makes you think that is an ok to send to an actual human being.

-From Badoo – Talking to a guy, that I knew he was married with kids and it said that he was looking for friends: Him: “You didn’t invite me over to kiss you” Me: “Why would I, I know you are married and I am not interested in talking to you if you are looking to cheat on your wife.” Him “I’m working on it.” Me: “Working on what?” Him: “being married.”  You sir are despicable. This makes me hate men – and fear for the male race.

-From Tinder – I had been talking to this guy for a couple of days and we even planned to go out for dinner. Day of the dinner we are talking about meeting up and I confirm the time and next thing I know he has blocked me. I think this is the umpteenth time that I have had someone who now that I think about it – could be a catfish. When it finally comes to meeting he disappears.

-From Plenty of Fish – “I wish I could give you a back and foot massage – I love rubbing feet, and smelling them. I have a foot fetish” Well sir – at least you are honest.

-From OkCupid – “Are you interested in BDSM?”

-From Plenty of Fish – “Hi” “Hey” “Hi” “Hey” “Hey what’s up” “Hi” “Hey” (oh and this is the same guy from about 6 different accounts.  What are you doing that you have to remake your profile so many times.  And what about the fact that I never respond makes you think that sending it from another account (same photo so I know it’s you)

These are just a few gems that I have received.  Not really giving me the faith in men that I am hoping to see.

Weird Fetishes…

So I am well aware that many different types of fetishes.  And I am well aware that each person has their own likes and dislikes – but this new fetish (at least to me) that has to be this whole cockholding thing.  If you aren’t aware of what this is (as I wasn’t when I first heard the term) here is a brief definition: a guy and a girl are together and the girl is allowed to have partners outside of the relationship.  And the guy is allowed to watch.

I have a hard enough time finding one guy that wants to be with me, and I want to be with him – let alone find additional guys who want to be with me in a weird twisted relationship of polygamy.

Then there are the guys who get off apparently on sexual humiliation.  For example I had a guy message me, and wanted me to insult him because of the fact that when he was hard – he was less than 2 inches. He went on to tell me that he was having sex with a girl and she just decided to up and leave because he was so bad – and this then turned him on.

Or another guy just told me that he “liked being rejected.” I think I have made this a game for him, and I am not sure where that is going to lead – except to continue to reject him.

I am just waiting for the day that some guy messages me asking if I want to wear a furry suit and dress up as an animal to have sex…….

I SERIOUSLY attract all the crazies

So I haven’t been super active in the dating world for the past few weeks. I’ve talked to some guys, and been out a few times – but really it’s just depressing.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I attract the weirdest guys.  I have friends who say they went on two dates from a dating site, and found someone they want to be with.  I have talked to DOZENS of guys, been on DOZENS of dates and it is just HORRIBLE.

The guys that talk to me seem to start out normal – and then just end up being painfully weird.  Like one guy, had some kind of social awkwardness and most of the night was spent in silence and awkward pauses.  Another guy freaked out because I said I didn’t want to go out one night, so his come back was good I fart in public, and like to have smelly armpits. I didn’t know if you were going to take a clue. (this guy was a real peach actually – he tried to reach out like 4 times but I kept boring him with the fact that he was an asshole and said he didn’t want to talk to me but then did want to talk to me I guess.)

I don’t know what I do. Do I send out the vibes to the crazy guys?  For once I would like to meet someone who kept up a conversation, didn’t have any major freakouts and didn’t try and show me his penis before we meet.  Is this really that much to ask?  C’mon society – there has to be a few of these guys still out there, who aren’t gay and aren’t already taken.

 

 

You Think You Deserve, What Now?

Lately I am finding that more and more guys have this sense of entitlement when they are online dating. Like the fact that you talk to them – means you owe them, well basically your soul, or at least naked photos of you.

I was talking to one guy, and the third message he sent me after how are you is – I would rather be going down on you for hours. Now, as considerate as that may seem, I was taken aback at the – no let’s be real.  This is every guy.  They think that just because you message them then that means you will automatically sleep with them (I feel that this is a trending topic in a lot of my posts and I apologize for that, but it keeps coming up in my life.)

So, instead of actually responding to his message, I came back with – “if you met me in public, would you ever say anything like that to me? Or does the internet make you brave?” His response “I would be too embarrassed to say something like that to someone’s face. The internet def makes me braver.” Too embarrassed to say it to someone’s face.  Let’s think about that.  If you would be too embarrassed to say it to someone’s face there is probably a reason, the reason I told him was because he knows that women shouldn’t be treated to or talked to like that.

And another guy I was talking to – he asked for nude photos or actually “naughty photos” which I declined, because I am really not about the spread of amateur pornography, especially of myself. So then later in the conversation he just decided to send me a lovely dick pic (rolling eyes and sighing loudly).  From this – he then proceeds to tell me that because I have now seen more of him than he has of me – it’s only fair that I send him a picture of my pussy. (his words, not mine). When I refused – ok boobs then, again my answer is no. Finally he said, well then fine a picture of you in your underwear. “It’s only fair”

Men – this is not what fair means. Just because you send us something, it doesn’t mean we will send something back.  And even if that was the only fair thing to do – hasn’t anyone told you. Life isn’t fair.

Seriously, I don’t wan’t to f**k you

I’m not sure when hello turned into – “please come over and fuck me”. But more and more of guys these days just assume that if I respond to your message, that means I am going to invite you over to my house and fuck you – to then never talk to you again. Romantic, right?

I have this one guy.  He has tried to meet up multiple times, and I keep telling him no. I am not sure why he keeps pushing, but he does. I tell him that we are not going to just meet and have sex, that I would want to meet someone in public see what happens and then go from there.  It’s not to say that I would never sleep with a guy on the first date (just read some of my other posts – it’s happened). But I am really uncomfortable with the whole idea of just meeting a stranger online and having them think we are going to have sex.

But back to this guy.  He is convinced we are going to just hook up.  And after I tell him we are not, he tries to then make ME feel guilty about it because “he wants to please me.” And its my fault because he was really looking forward to us hooking up. Ummm…..first off – don’t text me 20 minutes before you decide you want to “please me” and be mad when I have plans and can’t drop it to fuck you. Second off – don’t try and make me feel bad that I don’t want o fuck a stranger just because you claim you do. Or get made me if you ask – “aren’t you horny”…uhhh nope – I typically have about a million other things on my mind other than sex – especially if I have never met you. Now, if you are Ryan Gosling, then maybe – yes I would invite you over and have my way with you without question.  But you are not. So go away.

 

Showing off your assets…?

When it comes to dating with technology, the instant gratification has taken a new step.  Guys are really comfortable sending girls photos of themselves (and I mean all of themselves – they have no shame and are proud to show it off). But because guys are so comfortable doing this, they just assume that all girls are just as comfortable, or eager to send photos of themselves.

Well call me old fashioned, call me prude, call me whatever you want to, but I am never going to be entirely comfortable sending a strange a photo of my naked body.  I will admit, that yes, I have some confidence issues when it comes to my body (but let’s be real, what girl doesn’t).  And showing it off in a picture to someone is terrifying.  First I am trying to impress you enough to make you like me enough to want to meet me. Then once we have met – you get to decide if you actually find the combination of my personality and my looks something that you want to spend time with.

I guess if I sent a picture – I could save myself a lot of stress because then I would already know what they think of me.  But I just can’t.  One if you really think about it, you are creating and distributing porn. Actually there is really no other way to think about it – that’s what is happening.

Now, I understand, that people who are in a committed relationship, may want to send photos to each other.  But in this situation, they aren’t strangers.  I don’t maybe I am prude – or naive and really the world has come to the fact that people are really comfortable sending photos of themselves and one day I will come around to this. But as of right now, I sticking with – no.