Laters babe…

Babe, hun, sweetie, princess…all the pet names a guy will call you because they think we think it’s cute. And to some people it is, and at a certain point in the relationship it is. 

But, if you call me babe in the second message, especially if I have told you my name. I think you are being cheap. You dont want to learn my name, either because you just don’t care, or you don’t want to mess up and call me the wrong one. 

Let’s be honest here, especially online, we all know that you’re talking to multiple people until one really connects and you want to see where it goes (hopefully). So I get that you might mix up names. It’s fine. But if I say that I don’t want to be called babe – It’s not because I’m insecure, or a fighter, or a bitch, or whatever other reason you’ve come up with. It’s because to me, a pet name is a term of endearment that your partner calls you. And that should mean something, be a special thing for you two. Not just some fuckboy who thinks calling you that will get him into your pants. 

Ok…rant over. 

We need to set the record straight

Ok, so I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this befor, but unfortunately it’s not going away. The dreaded dick pic. I would like to first say a F you to the first guy to send a photo of his penis on a camera phone. 

Seriously we have come up with some incredible technology and to think that it’s being used for guys to blast photos of their genitals to random (or not) women, I’m just sad. 

But I really want to get it through men’s heads. Women have no desire to see photos of your penis. It’s ugly. AND asking us why we don’t want to see a photo, but are ok with it inside us….think about it moron. If you send us a photo, it does nothing, we aren’t going to look at it and feel the immediate need to pull out our rabbits. We are gonna be grossed out, or we may be critical and actually examine it and find all the flaws we can. 

If we are seeing it in person, it’s still ugly!  Don’t get that wrong. BUT, we know we are going to have sex (and let’s be real we can have sex and we never actually have to see it – which isn’t a bad thing). And if we are having sex, we are doing it because we either need to (yes, girls like causal sex sometimes too) or we are wanting to be intimate with our partners. 

I know this is cliché but, just imagine if you had a daughter and some guy was sending her the messages you send women. It’s sad, disrespectful, and pathetic. 

Farm Boy

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So here is the story of the farmer.  Shortly after I moved to the area, I started back on the dating sites.  I started talking to this guy, on tinder, and yes – I am a bit embarrassed to admit that, but it is what it is.

We talked a bit on the app, then moved to text, and then the weirdest thing happened. He called me. In this day in age, it is so rare to have a guy call you. Its usually just dirty texts to try and get a booty call. But this guy was different.  He was respectful, and nice, and treated me well. It was like – well – meeting a unicorn.

So after a few calls, he called one night and convinced me that I shouldn’t freak out and just meet him. I told him I couldn’t meet him because he wanted me to meet right then, and I was looking like a bum. He played on my insecurities by saying that I was afraid to try something because I am worried that I might actually fall in love. Well then, that’s a kicker. How can you really compete with that?

So we had a really normal date. We went to Applebees for drinks. (So coming from Philly which is like a food mecca – this was super cheesy to go to a chain place, but hey it worked). We watched the Orioles game and had a drink and then made out hard core in the parking lot.  To make it even cheesier we were very close to the beach so I could see the beach fireworks going off.

For date two – I kind of caved a bit. I told myself that I wasn’t going to go over to his house on date two, but I did.  It was a lot of fun though. And I have never felt so much like a city girl as I did riding on a gater around his farm. He introduced me to his cows. Like, legitimate cows. Then we met the goats. When I say farmer – I mean farmer.  Also I learned where the farmer lived on his (parents) farm. In a trailer – that if we are being honest should be condemned. And I don’t say that lightly. The floors are going to fall through, the siding is coming off, his couch was eaten by his dog while she was pregnant (and through multiple pregnancies, which means the couch had no cushions – but he wouldn’t replace it.) Yeah, I didn’t know it before, but the country/farmer thing was kinda hot. And I will admit, the sex was really great. Easily the best that I have had. And after that I stayed the night and even just sleeping next to him was really nice.

From there we talked every day, and he would call, and he would listen to me and he would do things that indicated that he cared. I really liked him. I even looked past the fact that he has two kids.  Oh yeah, he is a father. And although it’s not an ideal situation, I accepted it. I was ready to at least look at this as a possibility.

I visited his house a couple more times, and would sleep over, talk about things, life etc. Then the last time I went over. We ate dinner, watched a movie – and I learned all about his secret baby. Yup – I said secret baby. He was complaining about the guy who helps him out on the farm and with his kids during the day.  And when he said his kids, I assumed it was his two sons.  I was not aware of the fact that he has a 4 month old baby with a woman who he was not serious about at all, just convinced him that she wanted a baby and he thought it would be a good idea. Oh and this woman is still in his life, since you know, they have a child together.

So yeah, I freaked out, because WTF does that mean. That he just doesn’t care how many kids he has and with as many women as he wants. Makes me feel really special. So instead of freaking out about the kids, I asked him what he thought we were.  We have been talking for a few months and wanted to know if he thought that we had the potential of making this a long term thing, or if he thought this was just a fling.  His response “I have no idea.”

He has known that since the beginning, I am looking for a long term thing, I couldn’t just let this slide as an is what it is. From there the talking has faded and its basically died. I don’t regret this, because it showed me what I really wanted from a guy.  How I should be treated by someone.

 

Seriously, I don’t wan’t to f**k you

I’m not sure when hello turned into – “please come over and fuck me”. But more and more of guys these days just assume that if I respond to your message, that means I am going to invite you over to my house and fuck you – to then never talk to you again. Romantic, right?

I have this one guy.  He has tried to meet up multiple times, and I keep telling him no. I am not sure why he keeps pushing, but he does. I tell him that we are not going to just meet and have sex, that I would want to meet someone in public see what happens and then go from there.  It’s not to say that I would never sleep with a guy on the first date (just read some of my other posts – it’s happened). But I am really uncomfortable with the whole idea of just meeting a stranger online and having them think we are going to have sex.

But back to this guy.  He is convinced we are going to just hook up.  And after I tell him we are not, he tries to then make ME feel guilty about it because “he wants to please me.” And its my fault because he was really looking forward to us hooking up. Ummm…..first off – don’t text me 20 minutes before you decide you want to “please me” and be mad when I have plans and can’t drop it to fuck you. Second off – don’t try and make me feel bad that I don’t want o fuck a stranger just because you claim you do. Or get made me if you ask – “aren’t you horny”…uhhh nope – I typically have about a million other things on my mind other than sex – especially if I have never met you. Now, if you are Ryan Gosling, then maybe – yes I would invite you over and have my way with you without question.  But you are not. So go away.

 

Desperate Times….

I never thought I would be this person.  The person, that just wanted to have sex so badly – that I didn’t really care who it was with. But, after a few months of nothing plus the stress of work and then finishing up the holidays.  Sometimes you do what you gotta do.

I had started talking to this guy online, and he is one of those, how should I put this, dumb jock muscle heads. But hey, he has a great body, and he was into me (again, desperate times). After some flirty talking on the phone we decided that we should meet up.  I knew immediately that meet up – meant hook up, but for once I was ok with this.

We agreed to meet  at a bar, just so that we could decide if this was something we really wanted to do – and this is where the night took a turn for the…well weird/bad/are you serious. I drove to where he lived out in the suburbs because he had plans with his dad early the next morning.  I told him how long it would take me – and I arrive pretty much exactly on time.  When I told him I was there he said that he still needed like 10 minutes because he didn’t realize that I would be there that quickly (even though he asked my eta like 3 times).  I didn’t want to wait at the bar by myself for like 20 minutes while he finished getting ready, so I ended up going to his house to pick him up (didn’t I mention that he doesn’t drive right now).

Oh and the kicker – his house, well what I should say is his parents house.  I didn’t really ask why, but he is living with his parents for a while. This fun fact I didn’t learn until I was already on my way to go hang out with him at a bar (and then probably go back to his house….).  We get to the bar and he sees people he knows, starts talking to them, then we sit down.  We order drinks, we are watching the TVs around the room and all of a sudden these three people come and sit down near us, and he decides that he should spend his entire focus talking to the guy in the group about sports. So I talked to the two girls that were with him.  Somehow in these conversations we were asked what he cooks for me – so we revealed this is the first “date” which then brought on this whole conversation about dating now and online dating which was fun to talk about, but awkward since we had met online. But he continued to talk to this guy for like an hour, even though I was just sitting next to him.  Now again I said this guy was a dumb jock – and I knew this going in – and I didn’t expect much out of him except basically to get laid.

So finally after they left, we stayed for one more round (for him) and then were going to go back to his house to “chill.” But I will remind you that his house, has his parents in it. SOOOO that’s awkward to think about.  SO he asks me if I would mind if we went to a close by hotel room instead. Again, so desperate, I said sure.  I felt cheap saying this – but again didn’t care that much.  Then we get to the hotel and luckily I can tell that he hasn’t done this before – or if he has he is the biggest moron in the world.

We go to a hotel, and as I am walking in I hear him asking if he can get the room for a couple of hours.  I DIED. Right then and there.  I was like OMG this front desk guy is going to think I am a hooker – or we are having an affair or something. Who in this day and age goes to a name brand hotel and asks for their hourly rates.  If we went to a flea bag motel and asked I wouldn’t have been as surprised, but no, we went to a goddamn Days Inn.

After all of this we went into the room. In my head I am like finally.  Lets have some fun and then we can be done. Then I forgot about something – he is a meat head.  And the common theme I hear about those guys, is that they aren’t the most well endowed of men.  After all that – the sex was just ok. I must say what a freaking waste. I mean, I wanted to have sex, and I did. But I really thought he would have been better in bed.

I am not sure if there is really a message to learn from all of this.  Except maybe keep your expectations low. Which is a terrible thing, but honestly with online dating.  It’s what needs to happen.

 

Friend with Benefits or a Booty Call

I’ve said it before, I don’t really understand the Friend with Benefits concept.  I mean, you spend time with the person and hang out, and then add sex.  As everyone says, sex makes everything complicated.  It’s true.  I’ve seen this guy a few times, and the last few times we have hooked up.  I don’t know what we really are, I guess just sleeping together.  But it’s weird, when he comes over we talk, cuddle on the couch, order dinner, goof around, and yes, have sex. But we don’t talk unless he is seeing if I am available for him to come over.

I understand that when he comes over, it is so we can have sex, but if that were really all it was, shouldn’t he just come over do it and leave?  Why spend time holding me on the couch or even in bed afterwards. You just send mixed singles. At least I thought it was mixed signals. Then he text me at 9 pm asking if I would be up at midnight so he could come over.  This is the crossover from friend with benefit to strictly a bootycall.  I am no ones bootycall.

Because sex complicates everything, I don’t want to continue sleeping with him in case I were to think things were going further than they are.  So in order to basically keep a wall up – I have decided that they smartest way to go about this, is to space out our visits.  If I keep a distance then I cant create an attachment.

How pathetic is this.  This is why dating sucks, you can’t even just go with does someone like more or not, it’s do they like me, do they just want to sleep with me. Then, it’s do you like them, do you just want to sleep with them, are you willing to see if it’s going to be more than a hookup.  Now-a-days, even if guys say they want a relationship, they really want to just have sex without the relationship. So you have to think: Are you willing to try just a hook up – ughhhhh it’s exhausting.

Not Going to Beg

When you are on a dating site, you create your profile, and no matter what you actually are looking for, it seems that guys write what they think girls want to hear.  Something along the lines of I am looking for a relationship yada yada yada.  Well even when they put they want a relationship…it’s bullshit. haha.

No matter who you talk to, or what you write, eventually someone is going to ask “So what are you looking for?” Your response can be, anything from looking for casual sex, to looking to get married and find the person they are going to spend the rest of your life with.

Lately, my response has been that I am looking to meet people, have fun, see what’s out there.  Really I don’t think I can do a serious thing right now.  Most guys take this as, I am looking for casual sex…and I will admit, sometimes that is all I am really looking for right now.  The thing is, I may be looking for fun, but that doesn’t mean that I am going just screw every guy that pays attention to me.

When guys find out that, yeah I could be up for fun, but I tell them, just becuase I am doesn’t mean I will immediately sleep with them – they take the first part of the sentence and just ignore the rest.  If I am up for fun, and I have said hello, obviously it means, get over here and get inside me. So they push it on you, with the well we should hang outs, or I can come over, or they get fairly descriptive as to what they want to do to me.  Then I tell them, I don’t want to right now – and I basically a tease.  So they push me, why not, why are you being lame, come on, what else are you doing.

When I stand my ground, and don’t tremble at their witty lines, they get angry.  They either just stop talking completely, or they get mad and say things like, whatever I am not going to beg for it, I can go somewhere else. (because mentally all boys are 12).  Which, this in turn, makes me really glad that I didn’t invite them over.  You may not beg, well I am not going to be pressured or bullied into it.

Fool me once

As it turns out, online dating has the option so that it can be the get drunk and bring someone home with you for that awkward one night.  With this, you don’t actually have to get drunk in order to get ballsy enough to ask them to come over though.  Now you get to know someone enought to ask them over strictly for sex.

I will admit, I have done this. Actually mine were more the second date one night stands.  I go on first date, end it with a great kiss that if I wanted to could lead to more, but then I try and be the senisble one and not have sex on the first night.  So, I, as a classy person, wait until the second date.  Then after the second date when we have sex, I never hear from them again.

This last time though, I had been flirting with a guy through text for a while, and I’ll admit he seemed like he would be a lot of fun in bed.  He sent me the obligitory dick pick (…yay…) but looking at it, he is VERY well endowed.  SO after a while we finally decided that we should take the text flirtation to reality.  We both knew what this was though, this was just because we both wanted to have sex.  Nothing more.  We weren’t interested in getting to know each other, we didn’t want to take it to a nother level, we just wanted to have the physical release of on orgasm.

Well we were both free one weekend so we planned that he would come over Friday night, and we would have fun, no expectations, except to get off.  We talked about how the week was moving slowly, how we wish Friday would just hurry up and get here already. Well then Friday came – and he didn’t. I told him that I was off work by 6, and if he came over anytime after 8 then street parking is free until 8am.  So I asked what time he will be coming over around 1:00pm – nothing. No response.  Then I left work and got home, still nothing, 6, 7, 8, 9, nothing.  So I went to bed.  Yes, he seems like he would be fun in bed, but NO I will not beg someone to come over for sex.  I wanted to be the girl that text with the snarky remark, but just left it.

Well I woke up at like 3:30 to pee and checked my phone, and there was the text.  At 11:15 “sorry I fell asleep after dinner.”  I don’t know about you, but if it’s been a while since you have had sex, and you have a sure thing waiting for you, then taking a nap after dinner seems like the last thing you want to do.  Especially since, you didn’t go into work that day, which means you could have napped or relaxed or whatever throughout the day.  Well instead of being angry or bitter, I just respond with “it’s ok” and to my surprise….he is awake, and he responds.  He doesn’t bring up the fact that he didn’t come over, just starts talking about how there probably isn’t room to park on the street right now, but he could come over right now.  It’s now like 4:00am, and I am exhausted.  so I go, look if you want to come over, just tell me, if not I am going back to bed.

silence……..

If you don’t want to come over, I am not going to be mad, or sad, or think less of you.  I don’t care.  Just don’t lie to me, that’s what makes you seem like an asshole.