Curiosity kills the cat

Alright. I will admit that with all the guys I’ve dated lately, I’ve been the exception to the social stalking norm. I have not wanted to be friends with the on social media. I haven’t wanted to know about their past and I don’t want them to necessarily want them to see my past. 

Well that all went to shit. One of the guys that I was dating (and it was the guy who I was seeing the longest) friended me on social media. This was the worst decision I have ever made. At first I wasn’t going to look. But then curiosity got the best of me. Well actually curiosity got the worst of me. I started looking, and I had to know. I had to know who he had dated before so that I could compare myself to them.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  As women we constantly feel the need to compete with the past. YOU CAN’T!  There is a reason they are in the past and you are the present. Your partber saw something in you that they wanted to explore. We need to learn to embrace this and embrace what makes us special. Now it is WAY  easier for me to type this than to actually follow my own words. 

But if you want my advice (which you probably don’t but I’m gonna give it anyway) don’t social stalk your partner. It’s never gonna prove or resolve anything. It’s just going to give you indegestion. Be with that person. And when you’re no longer with that person DE-FRIEND THEM! 

We need to set the record straight

Ok, so I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this befor, but unfortunately it’s not going away. The dreaded dick pic. I would like to first say a F you to the first guy to send a photo of his penis on a camera phone. 

Seriously we have come up with some incredible technology and to think that it’s being used for guys to blast photos of their genitals to random (or not) women, I’m just sad. 

But I really want to get it through men’s heads. Women have no desire to see photos of your penis. It’s ugly. AND asking us why we don’t want to see a photo, but are ok with it inside us….think about it moron. If you send us a photo, it does nothing, we aren’t going to look at it and feel the immediate need to pull out our rabbits. We are gonna be grossed out, or we may be critical and actually examine it and find all the flaws we can. 

If we are seeing it in person, it’s still ugly!  Don’t get that wrong. BUT, we know we are going to have sex (and let’s be real we can have sex and we never actually have to see it – which isn’t a bad thing). And if we are having sex, we are doing it because we either need to (yes, girls like causal sex sometimes too) or we are wanting to be intimate with our partners. 

I know this is cliché but, just imagine if you had a daughter and some guy was sending her the messages you send women. It’s sad, disrespectful, and pathetic. 

Farm Boy

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So here is the story of the farmer.  Shortly after I moved to the area, I started back on the dating sites.  I started talking to this guy, on tinder, and yes – I am a bit embarrassed to admit that, but it is what it is.

We talked a bit on the app, then moved to text, and then the weirdest thing happened. He called me. In this day in age, it is so rare to have a guy call you. Its usually just dirty texts to try and get a booty call. But this guy was different.  He was respectful, and nice, and treated me well. It was like – well – meeting a unicorn.

So after a few calls, he called one night and convinced me that I shouldn’t freak out and just meet him. I told him I couldn’t meet him because he wanted me to meet right then, and I was looking like a bum. He played on my insecurities by saying that I was afraid to try something because I am worried that I might actually fall in love. Well then, that’s a kicker. How can you really compete with that?

So we had a really normal date. We went to Applebees for drinks. (So coming from Philly which is like a food mecca – this was super cheesy to go to a chain place, but hey it worked). We watched the Orioles game and had a drink and then made out hard core in the parking lot.  To make it even cheesier we were very close to the beach so I could see the beach fireworks going off.

For date two – I kind of caved a bit. I told myself that I wasn’t going to go over to his house on date two, but I did.  It was a lot of fun though. And I have never felt so much like a city girl as I did riding on a gater around his farm. He introduced me to his cows. Like, legitimate cows. Then we met the goats. When I say farmer – I mean farmer.  Also I learned where the farmer lived on his (parents) farm. In a trailer – that if we are being honest should be condemned. And I don’t say that lightly. The floors are going to fall through, the siding is coming off, his couch was eaten by his dog while she was pregnant (and through multiple pregnancies, which means the couch had no cushions – but he wouldn’t replace it.) Yeah, I didn’t know it before, but the country/farmer thing was kinda hot. And I will admit, the sex was really great. Easily the best that I have had. And after that I stayed the night and even just sleeping next to him was really nice.

From there we talked every day, and he would call, and he would listen to me and he would do things that indicated that he cared. I really liked him. I even looked past the fact that he has two kids.  Oh yeah, he is a father. And although it’s not an ideal situation, I accepted it. I was ready to at least look at this as a possibility.

I visited his house a couple more times, and would sleep over, talk about things, life etc. Then the last time I went over. We ate dinner, watched a movie – and I learned all about his secret baby. Yup – I said secret baby. He was complaining about the guy who helps him out on the farm and with his kids during the day.  And when he said his kids, I assumed it was his two sons.  I was not aware of the fact that he has a 4 month old baby with a woman who he was not serious about at all, just convinced him that she wanted a baby and he thought it would be a good idea. Oh and this woman is still in his life, since you know, they have a child together.

So yeah, I freaked out, because WTF does that mean. That he just doesn’t care how many kids he has and with as many women as he wants. Makes me feel really special. So instead of freaking out about the kids, I asked him what he thought we were.  We have been talking for a few months and wanted to know if he thought that we had the potential of making this a long term thing, or if he thought this was just a fling.  His response “I have no idea.”

He has known that since the beginning, I am looking for a long term thing, I couldn’t just let this slide as an is what it is. From there the talking has faded and its basically died. I don’t regret this, because it showed me what I really wanted from a guy.  How I should be treated by someone.

 

I’m Back!

Ok, sorry for the sabotical from blogging. But here is what I’ve been up to since April. 

May – for about two wees I was talking to this guy named josh. He was a nice guy, but it didn’t last. Why you ask did this guy not last? Well he I guess had gotten out of relationship recently and was looking to just go out to bars and the casino and just get drunk, and it’s really just not my scene. And I get it you want to have fun. But this was really the thung that tippee the scales against him. One night he came over to I thought spend time with me, but it turns out he liked where my apartment was and he decided to go to the bar until 1 am, then go to the casino until 4am, then have to come back to my place because he left his bag so he could stay the night. Sorry but if that’s what you want, pay rent and sleep on the couch.

June – June was kinda uneventful in the love/relationship department. This was because I had made the decision to move out of philly and move in with my best friend. So I knew I wasn’t going to try and find something meaningful knowing I am going to stay in the area. 

July – the big move. I moved to the beach. Peace ommmmmm. I needed to get out of the city. I had changed all my dating apps to reflect that I had moved and started talking to a couple people. One guy I thought was really nice. He seemed normal, didn’t mention sexual things, said he wanted to meet when I moved. But nothing ever happened. 

August – august was fun, found a job started really settling into my new life. And I started talking to Mike. Oh Mike. I’ll be honest he is worthy of his own post. 

Ok well I’m gonna go for now. I’ll follow up soon with the whole story of august and how it’s moved into September and October!