Desperation

I don’t need a guy to be overly cocky, but it really doesn’t do anything for me when you are so desperate for approval that you sound needy.  I had this guy that I was talking to for a couple days.  I knew on his profile that he wasn’t interested in a relationship, and right now I am not looking for that either.  We were talking and he asked what I was doing over the weekend, so I told him what I had planned, and his response was this long rant about how he never gets dates, and is going to go crazy if he doesn’t make plans for the weekend…….UMMMMMMMMMMM not a turn on.

I told him that I didn’t know what to tell him, as to why his profile didn’t get him any dates, and he then asked me for honest advice.  My advice, was that he is coming off desparate and it made me uncomfortable.  He tried to play it off, but then he kept asking me why he couldn’t get a date, and I wanted to be like …this…this is why you can’t get a date.  When you come off that you don’t have any confidence in yourself, makes me want to run.

We went on to fight and talk about the awkwardness of trying to show your personality through text messaging, and if you have any hint of sarcasm in your tone, you can come off as a bitch or asshole.  It makes meeting people more difficult because you aren’t sure if you can be yourself with out prefacing everything that you say.

Not Going to Beg

When you are on a dating site, you create your profile, and no matter what you actually are looking for, it seems that guys write what they think girls want to hear.  Something along the lines of I am looking for a relationship yada yada yada.  Well even when they put they want a relationship…it’s bullshit. haha.

No matter who you talk to, or what you write, eventually someone is going to ask “So what are you looking for?” Your response can be, anything from looking for casual sex, to looking to get married and find the person they are going to spend the rest of your life with.

Lately, my response has been that I am looking to meet people, have fun, see what’s out there.  Really I don’t think I can do a serious thing right now.  Most guys take this as, I am looking for casual sex…and I will admit, sometimes that is all I am really looking for right now.  The thing is, I may be looking for fun, but that doesn’t mean that I am going just screw every guy that pays attention to me.

When guys find out that, yeah I could be up for fun, but I tell them, just becuase I am doesn’t mean I will immediately sleep with them – they take the first part of the sentence and just ignore the rest.  If I am up for fun, and I have said hello, obviously it means, get over here and get inside me. So they push it on you, with the well we should hang outs, or I can come over, or they get fairly descriptive as to what they want to do to me.  Then I tell them, I don’t want to right now – and I basically a tease.  So they push me, why not, why are you being lame, come on, what else are you doing.

When I stand my ground, and don’t tremble at their witty lines, they get angry.  They either just stop talking completely, or they get mad and say things like, whatever I am not going to beg for it, I can go somewhere else. (because mentally all boys are 12).  Which, this in turn, makes me really glad that I didn’t invite them over.  You may not beg, well I am not going to be pressured or bullied into it.

When is the right time, to give a pet name?

Throughout life, I have had infinite numbers of nicknames used, created from my first, and my last name, from just my personality, and then even inside jokes.  Nicknames are great, but pet names are something different.  A pet name is the meant to be used as a term of endearment from a significant other. Baby, hun, sweetie, and the ever so popular bae, along with cute ones that a couple will come up with for one another.

The question is, when can you start using one.  I knwo some people who refer to everyone as sweetheart, my dear, or hun, so when they do it, it’s not a big deal.  But, when I get a message, and we still haven’t met in person yet, am I really your sweetheart? Your baby, or whatever you want to call me?  I mean the reason that most are probably doing this when talking to people from online sites, is well, they don’t remember your name.  I will admit, I have talked to a few people, and forgotten their names.  It helps when I get their phone numbers because I save their names and pictures, so I remember who I am talking to. And then by using pet names, for everyone they are talking to, they can’t get your name wrong.  I know – this is very cynical of me, but really if we have said all of 10 sentences, am I really your baby?  Or even worse, when that is in your opening line.

Pet names, to me, shouldn’t just be thrown around like a football.  PIck a name you can handle that person calling you for the rest of your relationship (however short or long that may be).

Fool me once

As it turns out, online dating has the option so that it can be the get drunk and bring someone home with you for that awkward one night.  With this, you don’t actually have to get drunk in order to get ballsy enough to ask them to come over though.  Now you get to know someone enought to ask them over strictly for sex.

I will admit, I have done this. Actually mine were more the second date one night stands.  I go on first date, end it with a great kiss that if I wanted to could lead to more, but then I try and be the senisble one and not have sex on the first night.  So, I, as a classy person, wait until the second date.  Then after the second date when we have sex, I never hear from them again.

This last time though, I had been flirting with a guy through text for a while, and I’ll admit he seemed like he would be a lot of fun in bed.  He sent me the obligitory dick pick (…yay…) but looking at it, he is VERY well endowed.  SO after a while we finally decided that we should take the text flirtation to reality.  We both knew what this was though, this was just because we both wanted to have sex.  Nothing more.  We weren’t interested in getting to know each other, we didn’t want to take it to a nother level, we just wanted to have the physical release of on orgasm.

Well we were both free one weekend so we planned that he would come over Friday night, and we would have fun, no expectations, except to get off.  We talked about how the week was moving slowly, how we wish Friday would just hurry up and get here already. Well then Friday came – and he didn’t. I told him that I was off work by 6, and if he came over anytime after 8 then street parking is free until 8am.  So I asked what time he will be coming over around 1:00pm – nothing. No response.  Then I left work and got home, still nothing, 6, 7, 8, 9, nothing.  So I went to bed.  Yes, he seems like he would be fun in bed, but NO I will not beg someone to come over for sex.  I wanted to be the girl that text with the snarky remark, but just left it.

Well I woke up at like 3:30 to pee and checked my phone, and there was the text.  At 11:15 “sorry I fell asleep after dinner.”  I don’t know about you, but if it’s been a while since you have had sex, and you have a sure thing waiting for you, then taking a nap after dinner seems like the last thing you want to do.  Especially since, you didn’t go into work that day, which means you could have napped or relaxed or whatever throughout the day.  Well instead of being angry or bitter, I just respond with “it’s ok” and to my surprise….he is awake, and he responds.  He doesn’t bring up the fact that he didn’t come over, just starts talking about how there probably isn’t room to park on the street right now, but he could come over right now.  It’s now like 4:00am, and I am exhausted.  so I go, look if you want to come over, just tell me, if not I am going back to bed.

silence……..

If you don’t want to come over, I am not going to be mad, or sad, or think less of you.  I don’t care.  Just don’t lie to me, that’s what makes you seem like an asshole.

The Online Profile

Let’s just call a spade a spade.  When it comes to the online profile, we are very shallow.  With the way that profiles are set up, it’s so easy to just swipe left, or swipe right on someones face to say whether or not we are interested.  And it can be a fun game, see how many times you actually swipe right out of the next 10 profiles etc. But who are we kidding, when we date this way, we have no idea anything about the person, except if we like that one main profile picture. Because of this, your profile picture needs to be perfect if you hope to, attract people, and attract the right types of people.

Here are few things that you should never have in your dating profile picture:

  • a picture that you can’t see your face
  • a picture where, I don’t know who you are because you are in a group of like 50 people
  • a picture with another woman, unless that woman is your mother or grandmother.  Even sisters or cousins and friends isn’t a good idea, because, why would you be on a dating site, if it looks like you are a couple
  • if you are going to take a picture in a bathroom mirror (c’mon people its 2015, take a selfie) under no circumstance is it ok to have a urinal or other toilet visible in the picture
  • a picture of money, seriously, I’ve seen this.
  • hold an entire bottle of alcohol, thinking it makes you look cool – you look like a drunk
  • a picture of you smoking.  Even if you are a smoker, and or you don’t care if someone smokes, you just look gross smoking in the picture
  • a picture where you have cropped it so when it pops up, you can’t see your face
  • (I wish this one was more obvious) a dick pic

Remember, you have about 1/2 a second to intrigue someone enough to swipe right or even, if you’re really lucky have them actually look through your whole profile.  Don’t blow it on a bad picture!

Wanna Come In?

What is it about inviting someone to your house that makes you so neurotic? I started talking to this guy, and we went out on one date.  Which, was a great by the way.  He actually wanted to meet me in pubic (that’s like one in a million lately).  We went out for drinks and then took a walk to the water.  We ended up sitting on a bench talking, and well making out like teenagers. He walked me home, we made out some more outside the gate to my building, and I have never felt like such a city girl as I did that night.

So what’s next from that.  We clearly had a connection, and there were no issues with chemistry (I mean come on, I am pretty sure if I leaned back enough he would have ended up on top of me on that bench and we would have had sex right then and there).  Well, the next step for us, was I invited him to come over to my house.  The plan is to order dinner, have drinks, and I made fudge earlier this week and promised that I would share it with him.

Well – now looking back on this idea – it was a rash decision. I never really thought of what it means to invite someone over like, intentionally invite someone over for more than just 2 hours.  This means that I have to clean my apartment. And not just clean my apartment, I mean, CLEAN my apartment.  I feel like I have to showcase where I live, and almost make it look like I don’t actually live here.  I can guarantee guys don’t spend this much time thinking about how their apartment looks.  If anything they will move the pile of dirty laundry to the closet so that you can’t see it, and put all the dirty dishes from the sink to the dishwasher, no guarantee that they will run it. I on the other hand, spent an hour cleaning my bathroom, and hour on my living room, an hour on my kitchen, washed 4 loads of laundry, ran the dishwasher, changed my sheets.

I even joked with the guy talking about how I needed to clean since I was having guests, and he admitted all he needed was clean sheets and soft pillows. Clean sheets and soft pillows.  He claims to not care if he walked into my apartment and saw something where it looked like a tornado ran through it.

Which Sex and The City Girl are You?

I love taking quizzes! I think the fact that Buzzfeed made an entire section of quizzes was the greatest thing ever. One of the quizzes that I feel that almost every girl has taken from one site or another is to find out which of the girls from Sex and the City you are.

I have lately been thiniking about which one I am.  Normally I have always thought of myself as the Charlotte of the group.  I am the more innocent one, who wanted a family.  Now, I think I am a mix of all 4 – and I love it.

In writing this blog, I am Carrie.  No, I don’t think that I will become a famous author from writing about my life, but I am having fun doing this. Also I the one of my friends who, if I ever get married, it will not be until later in life. I am Miranda in that, I am focused on my career, and I can be a little bit, well my friends call it technical.  In fact they give me “technicality points” whenever I try and correct themI am still Charlotte, in that I am the innocent one of my friends. I waited to have a sex until later in life.  Also I want to steal her entire closet. (yes, hers and not Carries).  Lastly lately I have taken on the Samantha aspect of my life.  One she works in PR – I work in events (close enough), and now I am going through my, well, sluttly phase.

Fifty Shades of…What did you say?

I will admit, I am a huge fan of the Fifty Shades book series.  I own all the books, have read them more than once, and I own the movie version. And I may be naive as to people’s sexual preferences, but I fell like people have taken the popularity of this series to explore the Dominant/Submissive relationship.

Let’s start with the profiles that men put up, that have photos of them from the neck down.  Then you go to read their profile and they assure that they aren’t married or anything, it’s just because of the “nature of the relationship that they want” they don’t want to show their faces publicly.  There are an unreasonably large amount of guys like this.

Then—there are the guys that send you messages asking if you want to be thier submissive.  Which can be really weird.  Because they can get really detailed about what they want from you.  I have had more than one guy tell me that I should be a submissive, which because I am me, I had to ask what they actually wanted me to do.

It was very Christian and Anna.  They would tell me that they would want me to follow their orders to please them, which then in turn would please me because they would be pleased.  When I would tell them I am not submissive, I have a backbone and a mind of my own.

I don’t know if it is just because the movie has come out that guys think they can get girls to be more into it. Or if they are just more comfortable actually telling people that this iswhat they are into.  What I really don’t know is if there is just something about my face that makes guys think that I am submissive or what – but please stop asking….that’s not what I want in a relationship.

Rx: No sex for a week

I am going to start this off with a a hit of a PSA. As a sexually active woman, please make sure that you are safe, and getting regular check ups from your gynocologist.  I had my yearly pap test and found at that I had some abnormal cells. It wasn’t cancerous or precancerous, but because it was abnormal my doctor wanted to take a biopsy. It is most likely from a virus (HPV) which 80% of sexually active women have at some point in their lives.

Which brings me to the main message to this blog. After my biopsy, which was basically means a doctor cut tissue samples from my cervix, my doctor told me that I have to wait to have sex for at least a week. Which at this point really isn’t a big deal for me. But he then asked me, with a serious look, if I needed a prescription to prove that I can’t have sex for a week. I literally laughed out loud.

It shows just how single I am, that I laugh at the thought of having to give a guy a prescription to say no sex.