OK peace

I will be the first to admin. I am the QUEEN when it comes to pocket texting/calling. Typically I have been lucky and it doesn’t cause any problems.  Today though, my pocket text the wrong person.

I have already made a post about my relationship with Rob. Well – to add on to it, I don’t know what it is about him, but he has always been the person who can get under my skin like that. With him I definitely had the most passion, I guess is the right word when it comes to our agruements.  Really considering most other guys don’t get to the point of fighting, he on the other hand, got off on fighting.  He would try and get me angry and then apologize so that I would come over to his house and make up.  (I will give you a hint guys, if you get off on fighting, don’t do it over text when the girl would then have to drive to you to “make up” – it’s not going to happen.)

So today, I didn’t even know I still had his phone number, but I guess I sent him some jiberish text.  And to my surprise, I realized this when I got the response text of “huh??” Well you can guess that I felt like and idiot.  I hadn’t talked to him in months, and the first thing I send him is nonsense.  Well I send back, “oh my gosh I am so sorry I don’t know what that is.” I didn’t try to be mean, or even overly nice, just sincere.  Well then I get his response “OK peace.” I don’t know what it was about this phrase, but I read it as him being such a jackass about the whole situation.  I got pissed.  Like cursing him in my car pissed.  I started rationalizing that he was saying it like that because he is mad at me.  But then I get even more mad angry, because he has no leg to stand on to be angry at me.  Yes, I was the one to finally end everything but that was after he stopped talking to me, wouldn’t see me, and wouldn’t stop asking if I would have a threesome with him. If anyone should be mad about this, it should be me!

Why are there those people that just, no matter what you do, they completley piss you off? Even when you don’t talk to them for months. UGHHHHHHHHHHH

The Friends with Benefits

fwb

There is this new phenomenon going on, that they have even made the same movie two different times (we all realize that Friends with Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis is the same movie as No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) Friends with Benefits.

For those of you living under a rock – here is the basic concept of the friends with benefits.  You find someone, that you are either already friends with, or become friends with them, and you sleep together – BUT – you’re not in a relationship. So basically you do everything about a relationship, learn about them, hang out with them, have sex with them, but you’re not exclusively with them.

This is the part that baffles me.  How do people do this and not get attached?  I know, I know, that is the basic plot of the movies mentioned earlier, but really.  For me when I have hooked up with a guy, and don’t have a connection to them, that’s what makes things easier.  But if I knew the person and had any type of relationship – friendship or whatever – and then added sex to the picture.  I doubt that I would be able to separate the two.

I do realize that I am basically saying, that in order to avoid feelings I would rather sleep around with a bunch of random people one time, versus sleep with one person multiple times.  I mean if I were to know that I could start a relationship, then I would obviously choose one person.  But I don’t think I could sleep with a person on a regular basis, knowing that they wanted to have the option of sleeping with someone else.

This also brings me to the idea of threesomes, or open relationships.  I know they teach you to share when you are younger.  But a sexual partner – is not something I want to willing share….EVER! And I will also never be the girl that will be dating someone and then have my parter watch me with someone else…,that’s just weird too.

Let it Go! Let it Go!

Let-it-Go_0

When you talk to someone, and you realize that it isn’t working, you should let it go.  Or if you are talking to someone, and you tell them you are moving to a new state, 3 hours away, you should let it go.

I was talking to one guy while I was living in DC, and he was one of those committment phobe levels.  He wanted to talk to me, and kept saying we should meet up.  Never happened.  I told him I was moving to Philly, and that unfortunately it wasn’t going to work since I am leaving.  I figured that would be good, and that would be the end.  And I thought since I didn’t hear anything from him for a month, that it really was done.

Well – I am really bad at reading people. I got a message from him (after I deleted his number, and had to figure out who it was) asking about who I have met in the city.  Then claiming that he still wanted me to hook up with him.  Seriously, does he think I am driving 3 hours for a booty call????

And that’s another thing, guys asking about what you have done with other guys.  THIS IS WEIRD!!!! I understand that I am writing this blog for the whole world to read about my dating life, but I am not going to go into that much detail. I don’t understand how me telling you all the details of my personal sex life is something that you would want, because it gets you off.  I don’t want to know what you and another girl have done, why do you want to know what I have done with other guys?

Sex in the City….of Brotherly Love

After Pete – I decided that, I don’t think I really want to seek out a relationship right now.  If one comes to me, then I will accept it, but I think I am really just looking to have fun right now.  Moving into this state of mind, changes the online dating game.  Before, I was only searching for huys who were looking for relationships.  Now, I have broadened my field by adding guys who aren’t looking for something serious.  This doesn’t mean that I am going to become a massive slut and just sleep with any guy who asks me too. But, I will be more willing to have fun – with no expectations from the guys.

This came to fruitition one week when I started talking to one guy, and felt gutsy after talking to him for a while – and I’ll admit, kinda horny.  So I invited him over to my house to hook up.  Well – this was a complete DISAPPOINTMENT!! Guys, when you talk to girls and claim you are going to do things for them – you need to do things for them! So here is what happened.

I brought the guy over, and we went to the bedroom.  Started kissing, taking off clothes and then I asked if he had a condom.  Umm…he didn’t, which is another thing.  If you are a guy and you are going to a girls house to hook up, bring a condom! Luckily I had a condom.  Then he told me that he can’t stay hard while wearing a condom, so he asked if I would be disappointed if we didn’t actually have sex.  Figuring that he was going to keep his word of wanting to at least go down on me, I was ok with it.  Well, never assume – it really does make and ASS out of U and ME. He did nothing of the sort.  He talked this big game that he loves doing it, and that he could do it for hours, and then I got NOTHING!

Luckily I have no feelings towards this guy, and no desire to see him again.  Hopefully the next time I have a guy come over – I get a better ending.

Pete

After about a month in Philly, I started talking to this guy Pete.  He worked close to my office, but at a very different schedule than me.  So when I was leaving work, he had just started his shift.  The first time I finally met him, I went right after work and we talked for a few minutes.  He was working so we couldn’t talk long.

We kept messaging each other and decided we wanted to go out.  The problem was, that I would get dont with work by 6 and he didnt finish until about midnight.  (And let me tell you, I don’t care if you think I am an old fogie, but I am usually in bed by like 9:30 and asleep by 11 – so midnight is like way past my bedtime).  But I decided I wanted to see where this would go, so I agreed to meet him for a drink after work.  He had to let out his dog, so we met up after he got off and drove to a hole in the wall bar by his house.

We had a great time, getting to know each other – even trying to get past the awkward first date phase.  then we went to his house to take his dog out.  He has a really cute puppy, and we took him on a walk and just talked some more.  He invited me to stay the night, but I was being good and wanted to see where this could go.  So I told him I had to leave, and we kissed goodnight.

We continued talking and finally met up again a couple weeks later.  We set to meet up again when he got off work, and this time we were both tired so we just went to his house to hang out.  We watch part of a movie and since it was close to 1 am, we were both tired so we went to his room to go to bed.  we started cuddling and well one thing led to another and we ended up having sex.  Considering my inexperience with sex, this was a new thing for me.  With Rob in DC, it was a very passionate experience, somewhat rough, and very intense.  With Pete, it was more subtle and sweet.  Both good experiences, just different.

I spent the night, when we woke up in the moring we had sex again, before I had to leave for work.  I thought everything was going well.  I thought that he was going to be a decent guy.  Well – clearly my radar for decent guys is WAY off.  After this, he basically went ghost.  Stopped talking to me, and I didnt really see him for a while either.  I ended up on a walk, seeing him while he was working, so I text him and we decided that we were going to meet up during his lunch break.  We met, and talked, but it was very weird.  I could tell that this was the end.  So finally I text him, saying that he just didn’t seem like he was interested any more.  His response was that he had been really busy, and had a lot of things going on in his life, and just needed time to himself. — uh huh, sure.  Thats why he then updated his dating profile online.

Do guys not realize that we can see these things?  Just be honest, I called you out – just say, yeah I am just not interested right now.  Or anything!

Heyyyyyyy HRU WYD

It used to be that when you think of people who talk in text, you imagined a valley girl at the mall.  But I am learning more and more that guys on dating sites are either lazy or have soooo much going on that at least 50% of the their messages are basically in code that you have to figure out.

This code can range from deciding if adding exgtra letters to a word is a good or bad thing.  Like for example, a normal person says hey – but guys on dating sites say heyyyyyyyy.  I am not sure that the extra “y’s” are a good thing or a bad thing! Then if they are not making a 3 letter word a 15 letter word they are making a 3 word sentence into 3 letters.

I have recently learned a few key phrases that are used by multiple people: hru = how are you. WYD = what are you doing? GM = good morning. RLY = really.  There are more and new ones pop every day that I have to actually ask – what are you saying.

What happened to when people wrote letters to each other?  I know this may ne the romantic in me, but Noah on the Notebook wrote Allie a letter everyday for a year – and now I can barely get guys to write me a full word.

Dating in a new city

When you move to a new city, and your single, and live by yourself, online dating is a great way to meet people. When I moved from D.C. to Philadelphia for work, I knew no one – except my boss. So after take a brief hiatus from the dating world because I knew I was moving I adjusted my profiles and set my new city.

Of course, it was the same old same old, just with new people.  I started talking to a few people, and finally found a guy that I wanted to meet. We met for an afternoon date, and it was really nice.  We went to a Civil War battle park.  He showed me around, since he knew the area.  I was really comfortable with him, and we had good conversation and at the end he gave me a kiss goodbye.

We talked about meeting up again, and I thought it was going to happen.  Well – I was wrong.  The next time he talked to me was like 3 days later, and all of a sudden, conversation went from getting to know each other, and planning a second date to – him basically masturbating while texting me how much he wanted to fuck me. —— yeah apparently this is a thing now.  The guys will talk to you about “how bad they want you” or what they want to do to you, and in doing so they are getting themselves off on their end. My usual response to this is ummmmm………

Let’s just say, haven’t talked to him since.

And then there was the dreaded dick pick

So with dating online, you will do the back and forth with messaging on the app of your choice.  This can get really frustrating, because some apps don’t immediately send you notificiations when you get a message.  So ideally, if you like the person that you are talking to, you will want to exchange phone numbers.  This way you can talk to each other more easily or even talk on the phone.

Sometimes, guys will want to move from talking on one app to another.  If you aren’t familiar, there are different messaging apps – such as kik or snap chat, that allow you to talk to people and send pictures, but it’s still a little more private than actually giving out your phone number to a stranger.  But beware…when a guy asks you if you have a kik, there is a good chance that they are looking to just exchange photos, and these aren’t the photos you would post as a typical profile picture (or at least you hope they wouldnt).

There is nothing worse than when a guy asks you if you have more pictures than what you post.  They usually don’t let this side come out until after you have started talking, and decided that they are a semi normal person, but then they do a HUGE 180 and become a pervert. I am not sure when the dick pick phenomemon really started, or even why.  I doubt that I am the only woman who has absolutley NO DESIRE to see a strangers penis, especially if that’s all I do is look at a picture.  Honestly, if I am looking at a naked penis, it better be in person and we should be about to be having LOTS of fun!

Then once the guy sends you their picture – they expect that you will want to send them a picture of you.  One of the things keeps making news is leaked naked celebrity photos.  Not saying that I am on the same level as a celebrity, but you never really know what people are doing with your photos.  And as they say with the internet, once its out there, it’s out there forever – never going away.

Will they or won’t they meet?

In the digital age of dating, you have to get to know someone through text messages.  The way that you message someone can really make or break if you get a response.  When you send the simple “Hi” or some version of that – you don’t stand out in the crowd.  If you send a pick up line like the ever so popular “How much does a polar bear weigh” you can come across as cheesy and unoriginal.  You wnat to send something, sincere, maybe a line of flattery – or something original to get someone to actually respond to your message.  But when you do send a message – PROOF READ WHAT YOU WRITE! The biggest turn off is when you get a message and it is full of misspelled words, and grammatically incorrect sentences.

Once you have broken through and actually gotten a response to your message, this is the awkward part of getting to know someone through messages.  In the past that would be done by just walking up to someone and actually talking to them face to face. This phase has different 3 levels (just like Goldilocks and the Three Bears) to tell you what the other person’s intentions are –

Level 1 – Hook-Up Joe.  These are the people that say they need to meet you – that day.  They really don’t care about anything but what they see in the picture (because let’s be real, they probably didn’t read your profile.) They send you the message saying – we should meet right now. If you are looking for a hook-up then go for it! If you are looking for more, well chances are – they aren’t.

Level 2 – Commitment-phobe Joe.  These are the people who talk to you through text, and claim they want to meet – but never do.  They are either always busy, or just never ask to meet, BUT they will talk to you for weeks on end.  These would be great people if you are looking for a pen-pal type friend that you never have to actually see in public.

Level 3 – Ready to try Joe.  These are the guys that, are actually looking to meet you and maybe see if somethig more than one night will happen.  They will get to know you for a few days on the phone, but then ask you to meet for drinks or dinner or something within a reasonable amount of time after meeting.

j8mumf

Rob and finally the loss of my innocence

If you have tried online dating in the past two years, you have probably messaged someone – or received a message, and then if you wanted to actually meet this person – figure out how you were going to do this.  Now, before online dating, people met in public places and then decided if they wanted to go back to someone’s house or not.  This way you would at least have some sense of who you were meeting, and feel somewhat comfortable with who you were talking with.

tinder-nightmaresNowadays, people will talk to you online, and then immediately want to have you come over or come over to your place.  Whether or not you are into the random hook up, or you’re looking for something more like a real relationship – they just think you will be ok with you iniviting a stranger to your house.  I don’t know about you – but I have seen dateline one too many times, and I don’t necessarily trust people.

I started talking to this guy online.  He kept just inviting me over to his house to “watch a hockey game” but I told him I wasn’t going to until we met in public.  Well, I apparently have the strength of aluminum foil, because I caved in and invited him to come over to my house for our first meeting. He came over, with two bottles of wine.  We talked on my couch for hours, and then moved into my bedroom finally.  We fooled around, and I must say – he knew what he was doing with his mouth and fingers.  I assumed he was going to be like all the other guys, and leave right away, but he stayed.  He spent the night with me- and it was such a new experience for me. I really liked having somone to wake up next to.  (I was not a hugh fan of the blood I woke up to on my thighs and bed from the loss of innocence though).

I ended up at his house the next night to watch some big boxing match – we ended up fooling around again at his place, and I spent the night there.  He made me breakfast in the morning.  I know that jumping into bed with somone usually doesn’t mean that you are going to have a truly deep connection – but I thought this might be dinner.  It was weird though, that second night as we were laying in bed after fooling around, he looked at me and said “you should just stop paying rent at your place and move in with me.”  Hindsight – RED FLAG! Basically I told him this was insane, and that we should date before we talk about moving in together.

We talked everyday, and I thought we connected because he started talking to me about how he was depressed.  I thought he trusted me, in all honesty I am not sure why he opened up to me about this. The next time I saw him, he told me that he had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction, and then kept threatening that he was going to have to call 911.  So me, being the mother hen, I offered to come over – that way if he did need to go to the hospital I could at least drive him, instead of having to call 911.  When I got there we just went to sleep – he was on a lot drugs.  haha.  As we were laying in bed he kind of houghed, and when I asked what was wrong – he responded “I am just thinking about when we get married” – RED FLAG #2

After this we hit a weird point.  He kept asking me if I would have a threesome….and I kept telling him no.  But he wouldn’t leave it alone.  We fought for almost a week.  Back and forth about this, and then just other weird stupid things.  Finally we made up, and he wasn’t depressed, and so he invited me on a date.  I went over there, he made dinner, we drank wine on the balcony, talked, goofed around, and then finally it was like a combustion – we ended up in his room, and this was the first time I actually had sex.  We had foold around before, and he had just used fingers and his tounge – but this time we “went all the way.”  When we finished, we were laying in bed, and he asked me to marry him.  Like to go to the courthouse the next day and get married.  Now this was really weird – he was dead serious abou this.

I should have learned my mistake, once you sleep with someone they stop talking to you.  Well this happened here.  The only time we kept talking was when he continued asking me for a threesome.  Finally I had to say that neither of us were getting what we wanted out of it – so I ended it between us.